Judy Weiner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in the social-emotional needs of gifted and twice-exceptional (2e) individuals. She is affiliated with SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted), leads parent groups, and serves on the Oak Park Unified School District GATE Advisory Committee. 

Judy framed her presentation around the Columbus Group’s definition of giftedness: asynchronous development where advanced cognitive abilities and emotional intensity create inner experiences that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony often increases with intelligence and requires adjustments in parenting, teaching, and counseling to support optimal development. 

She encouraged parents to reflect on how their expectations align with their child’s unique profile, reminding them that success looks different for every gifted child. 

Factors Contributing to Underachievement: 

Judy discussed common contributors to underachievement in gifted youth, including: 

• Identity and peer issues 
• Multipotentiality (high ability in many areas) 
• Schoolwork that is too easy or too difficult 
• Poor study or organizational skills 
• Perfectionism and procrastination 
• Power struggles caused by over-involved parenting 

Instilling a growth mindset can help gifted students understand that intelligence is not static and can be developed. This can lead to a desire to learn and tendencies to embrace challenges, learn from criticism, and be inspired by others’ success.  

Understanding Motivation: 

Judy emphasized that behavior is a form of communication. She used the iceberg metaphor to show how surface-level behaviors may stem from deeper issues like anxiety, skill deficits, or unmet emotional needs. Open conversations can help uncover these hidden challenges. 

Supporting Passions and Interests: 

One way to build motivation is by supporting the areas and topics children care most about. Encouraging curiosity, facilitating access to experiences, and offering opportunities aligned with their passions can improve engagement and self-confidence. 

Creating the Right Learning Fit: 

Judy highlighted the importance of working with educators to ensure appropriate pacing and challenge. She defined differentiation as tailoring the curriculum to match a student’s learning level, style, and interests, and not simply giving more or harder work. Ideally, learning should fall within the child’s Zone of Proximal Development, where tasks are challenging enough to stimulate growth without being overwhelming. 

Judy’s Recommended Books: 

• Mistakes That Worked by Charlotte Foltz Jones 
• Ish by Peter H. Reynolds 
• Letting Go of Perfect by Jill Adelson and Hope Wilson 
• How to Motivate Your Child for School and Beyond by Andrew Martin 
• Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades by Sylvia Rimm 
• Moving Past Perfect by Thomas S. Greenspon 

Coming This Fall: 

We’re excited to keep the conversation going with two upcoming sessions you won’t want to miss:

• On Wednesday, September 10, join us for Secrets to Finding the Best-Fit High School, a practical and timely discussion for families navigating the next step in their child’s educational journey (in-person session).
• On Wednesday, October 8, we’ll take a deeper dive into perfectionism in Practical Interventions for the Practically Perfect. Gifted education expert Lisa Van Gemert will share strategies you can use right away to help gifted youth manage perfectionistic thinking and behaviors (virtual session).

Social Researcher Brene Brown has studied a lot about perfectionism and what it is and isn’t. In her book “The Gifts of Imperfections,” she states, “Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception—we want to be perceived as perfect.”

This makes me think long and hard about how we speak to our gifted students. Are we only praising them when they succeed? When they don’t achieve perfect scores on academic assignments, how do we talk to them? What messages are we sending our students? Don’t we want children everywhere to try new things even if they fail the first, second, or even a hundred times? When a child thinks they must be perfect at something to enjoy it, this will ultimately lead them not to take risks on anything in life.

Here are some steps to help our gifted students deal with perfectionism.

• Talk to them about your own mistakes. As educators, students often think we have never made a mistake in our own lives. Have age-appropriate conversations about our mistakes and failures and how they helped us grow and lead to future successes.
• The process is more important than the outcome. Often a gifted student will think of how something should look when it is completed, and if it doesn’t look that way, they will be defeated. Sit with them while working on something and talk through the process, asking questions about why they are doing something different. This will help them realize that the process is as important as the outcome. Explain to them that results don’t always look the way we expected them to, but that is ok and why the process is essential.
• Laugh! When it sometimes goes awry, laugh with them. Children will always look to the adult first to react. If you’re working with your gifted child and you make a mistake, you must laugh with them first, so they know it is ok to that a mistake was made. Then talk with them about what happened.
• Don’t make being a perfect part of their identity. This can be hard with gifted students who often excel, especially academically. Reward them for their excellent work but not so much that they think anything less than 100% on a grade means they are not good enough. This is especially important as they get older and are exposed to a more challenging curriculum.
• Set limits with your gifted child. Whether that is a time limit, a word count, or a problem count, setting hard defined limits will help children from becoming hyper-focused and help them learn about setting boundaries. At first, this will be a challenge as your child will want to continue to work but helping them know that it’s ok to take breaks and come back to something will help them in the long run.

I hope these tips can help you a little bit. I also want to reiterate that striving for healthy growth and success is not the same as perfectionism. We want to be the best version of ourselves, and we want the next generation to be the best version of themselves, but we must work towards this healthily. As Brene Brown says, “ stay awkward, brave, and kind.”

Overthinking. The irony in writing about this topic is that I kept overthinking it. What direction should I take? What tips should I offer? Where can I find the best research? What if my post doesn’t hold up against the others?

Overthinking, along with its siblings perfectionism and anxiety, is common in gifted kids. Psychology Today attributes this in part to overexcitabilities and the mind not being able to ever really turn off. Gifted kids also tend to have lots of channels in their brains, meaning more information to mull over and think about, easily leading to overthinking.

As a chronic overthinker, I wanted to explore the reasons behind overthinking, how it can hurt and what we can do to rein it in.

Why do we overthink?

Why does this happen in the first place? Why do our brains run wild? In an article published in Scientific American Mind entitled “Why We Worry,” science writer Victoria Stern did a deep dive into the causes behind chronic overthinking. In summary: it’s all about control.

“Chronic worriers operate under the misperception that their overthinking and attempts at controlling every situation allow them to problem-solve and plan for the future,” said Stern. “Instead their thought pattern hinders cognitive processing and also causes overstimulation of emotion- and fear-processing areas in the brain.”

Overthinking and worrying trick our brains into believing that we are preparing for any situation, that we can handle any outcome, positive or negative. In reality, while this may work in the short-term, it ultimately harms us.

Dr. Michael Stein, a psychologist based in Denver, attributes worry and overthinking to a fear of being uncertain about the future. When we experience this fear our brain jumps into “analysis mode” and starts beginning to prepare and think over every outcome. This thinking ignites our minds and creates a temporary comfort to deal with uncertainty.

The Problem of Overthinking

In addition to driving us bonkers, overthinking has negative effects on our mental and physical health.

A study from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology noted that overthinking can cause us to dwell on our mistakes and shortcomings, increasing the risk of mental health problems.  This can often cause the overthinker to fall into a viscous cycle of ruminating more and more while their mental health is declining.

Unsurprisingly, overthinking can also lead to emotional distress. To self-treat that distress, some overthinkiners resort to unhealthy coping strategies, like alcohol, food or addictive substances. It can also lead to a negative mood, anger and irritability. Overthinking can have physical effects, as well. Studies have linked overthinking to poor sleep quality, since the mind often won’t turn off even for sleep. It can also lead to an increased heart rate and other physical symptoms of stress.

How Do We Stop?

If only I knew! Breaking the habit of overthinking is difficult, but here are some strategies you can try.

• Take Action
  If you are a chronic overthinker, you probably have a tendency to get stuck in the “analysis” phase of a situation. Taking an initial step to solve the problem, even if it’s small, can help bust the overthinking cycle. For example, if you are overthinking about applying to college, start drafting an essay or working on your resume or even filling out a practice application. The act of doing something can get you out of your thoughts.
• Mindfulness
  Mindfulness takes practice, but has many benefits, especially for overthinkers. This meditation practice emphasizes focusing on the present moment, not the future or the past, which can help us disconnect from worry. Mindfulness has known to be beneficial for the gifted in calming intensities. Try bookending your practice with a quick calming yoga routine.
• Busy Yourself
  Sometimes simply redirecting your attention can do the trick to calm a busy mind. Absorb yourself in a hobby, whether that be exercise, crafting or playing with your family. Or get some household chores done to engage your attention elsewhere. Even getting lost in a book or movie (especially if it’s theme is disconnected from your worries) can help.
• Rename Your Thoughts
  Rename your thoughts with what they really are: self-doubt, anxiety, fear. This may help you to realize how much you are exaggerating your negative thoughts and bring your thinking down a level to really focus on the actual problem at hand.

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This post is part of the Hoagies’ Gifted Blog Hop: Overthinking. Please click the image below to keep on hopping!

Jennifer is the Program Coordinator for Yunasa, IEA’s pioneering summer camps that unite gifted young people ages 10-15 with experts in highly able youth. In a nurturing setting, campers explore and grow the intellectual, social, emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of their lives. Yunasa is the Lakota Sioux word for “balance.”

“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is the only moment.”

-Tich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk

At Yunasa, we begin each psychosynthesis session with a similar directive. Tich Nhat Hanh’s words remind us that all of life is held in this moment; his words encourage us to smile and seek gratitude for the moment we are in. Psychosynthesis, as practiced at Yunasa, is meant to cultivate balance amongst its participants, whose minds are often swirling with thoughts, anxieties, ideas, and observations, and for whom a peaceful moment is a true gift.

The word “balance” connotes an array of ideas – time management, sanity, stress-control, and lithe circus professionals sauntering across tight ropes. At Yunasa and within all of IEA’s programs, we strive to impart the type of balance that helps us to understand and interact with every piece of ourselves in an effort to pursue wholeness. In his commentary, “The Heart of Understanding,” Tich Nhat Hanh refers to the five elements that comprise a human being as five rivers that flow through every one of us: “…the river of form, which means our body, the river of feelings, the river of perceptions, the river of mental formations, and the river of consciousness.” These “rivers” are “made by the other four,” he says. “They have to co-exist; they have to inter-be with all the others.”   Just as each limb, neuron, cell, blood particle, and organ work together to sustain physical existence, so do the body, myriad emotions, soul, mind, and relationships interconnect to create life experience. Thomas Merton, a Catholic Trappist monk, says, “There is in all visible things…a hidden wholeness.” We strive to be whole, to seek balance, because wholeness brings us closest to who we are – complex and alive.

The pursuit of wholeness requires vulnerability because it means that we are intentionally acknowledging parts of ourselves that are less developed, even broken. In our culture of social media, it is tempting to present a polished rendition of ourselves – the most attractive, the cleverest, the most sophisticated version – as though we are ashamed to reveal the bits that we are working on, the parts of ourselves that need help. If we are not careful, this tendency creeps into our real-world presentation of our self, as well; this self is safer, impervious, protected by the armor of contrived impeccability. To grow in understanding of ourselves, however, and to establish meaningful, mutually empathetic connections with others, we must embrace vulnerability. As Brené Brown, author and public speaker, discusses in the podcast On Being: The willingness to approach life with our whole heart cannot be less than our willingness to be broken-hearted.

“We must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves.”

-Thomas Merton

We must take risks to be whole. For a shy intellectual, it might feel terrifying to acknowledge his innate need to integrate into an accepting community, especially if he suffers from the internal vituperation of perfectionism, when every word that he uses to forge a connection with another leaves him riddled with doubt. Likewise, understanding the connection between one’s emotions and her physical reactions, or engaging her physicality through outdoor adventures, might seem scary for the individual whose exceptional gifts are rooted elsewhere. Some of us prefer to eschew emotion altogether in an effort to remain focused on our work or to avoid the discomfort emotion sometimes renders. To live in relationship with ourselves and others, to pursue wholeness and balance, we must, with vulnerability and honesty, take the necessary risks. Yunasa is important because it is a safe, accepting place to take these risks and to delve into intensive learning about ourselves and our world.

This is our intention: to develop our ability to relate to others and our capacity to empathize with different perspectives; to explore and cultivate our blazing intellect; to create honest connections with the world, with nature, and with our community; to grow in understanding of our range of emotions – intense, subtle, tender, and wildly uncomfortable; to engage the intricacies of our spirit – both delicate and resilient; and to acknowledge the interconnectedness of each of these pieces – how they influence and inform one another at every moment.

In seeking balance, we are not striving to achieve equilibrium amongst every element of our personhood. Living in balance does not mean that one’s social skills are on par with her ability to reason, or that one’s physical agility matches her profound emotional reaction to beauty in nature or literature or art. Balance isn’t a strange and unnatural perfection; rather, balance is to understand the relationship between all of our parts – the developed pieces and the fragile ones. A musician does not employ every note of his instrument simultaneously or with equality; if he did, the result would be shrill and offensive. Instead, he creates an interaction between each of the notes; they complement one another, culminating in mellifluous accord – beautiful and alive.

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Learn more about IEA’s Yunasa summer camps for gifted youth here.

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people.  It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”  -Anne Lamott

Perfectionism has the tendency to lurk in our minds; it is a monster who strives to slash at our dreams and ambitions.  Giftedness is often connected to high expectation, and sharp minds often become self-effacing when expectations are not met.  I have watched gifted individuals cower, immobilized by the fear of failure or the dread of creating something less than hoped for.  I have watched talented writers discard their ideas and gifted artists cast aside their tools because they heeded – oftentimes without realizing –the sibilant whisper of perfectionism.

I recently listened to a woman speak about her gifted son whom she found, curled into a fetal position on his bedroom floor, sobbing.  She spotted a crumpled piece of paper next to him, and when she picked it up, discovered standardized test scores that placed him in the top 3% in every subject but one.

I know a young girl who, at 11, bypassed her teacher’s instructions to compose a two-page creative writing project for a writer’s workshop program by penning a fifteen-page short story about an introverted foster child’s struggles to integrate into her new family.  That year, as a sixth-grader, she advanced to a district-wide writing competition.  When she didn’t place, she cried and cried, dramatically proclaiming that she would “never write again.”  The next year, she was awarded first place in the same competition.  Her reaction was not joyful or celebratory; she was not excited for her victory – she was relieved, as though the award was an assurance that she was, well, okay.  Like many gifted and high achieving students, she was especially hard on herself; to her, a “B” was an embarrassing reflection of her own inadequacy.  By high school, she was so tired of the tumult in her mind that she abandoned academia altogether and found her identity in other things.  I know her as an adult, and she says that she still feels an internal pull to write, but she is afraid.

The desire to perform well or to produce something worthwhile is a laudable thing.  When this desire evolves into fear of a less-than-perfect outcome, rendering us incapable of proceeding, we must take measures to fight against the voice that works to unravel our momentum.

In his journal, Ralph Waldo Emerson recorded an observation on writing that might be translated into a commentary on many different types of gifts: “The good writer seems to be writing about himself, but has his eye always on that thread of the universe which runs through himself and all things.”  Similarly, the good artist might paint his own translation of reality, but a brilliant work of art will arouse afflatus in viewers and artists across time.  An excellent composer might create a piece of music that communicates the cacophony or the gentle melody of a personal experience, yet her song may inspire many, and like Emerson’s “thread”, connects her to the rest of the world through the product of her gift.

Our gifts, whether they involve writing, painting, math, engineering, cooking, counseling, or chemistry, are bound to our personalities, spirits, and histories.  Although you aren’t the only talented poet, singer, or graphic designer, your voice, your perspective, and your style are unique.  You are in possession of something specific you must offer unto the world.  In the words of Dr. Seuss, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” So I implore you: do not let shackles of perfectionism hold you back.  Because the thread of the universe which runs through yourself and all things is part of a magnificent tapestry, and your contribution is vital.

The process of creativity is vulnerable; fear and anxiety are normal feelings attached to vulnerability, and we should never attempt to stifle our own feelings or the feelings of children we are trying to encourage.  The words, “Don’t feel that way; nobody’s perfect!” or “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself!” do not help.  Instead of undermining the very real feelings of uncertainty we face, let us endeavor to fully experience the discomfort of moving forward through the fear, enduring, pushing past the voice of perfectionism, imparting our gifts to the world at large, and contributing to the ultimate tapestry of human creativity.  Dani Shapiro, author of memoir and fiction, said, “I try to remember that the job — as well as the plight, and the unexpected joy — of the artist” (and the mathematician, chemist, teacher, aspiring astronaut, future doctor, ballet dancer, and singer) “is to embrace uncertainty, to be sharpened and honed by it. To be birthed by it. Each time we come to the end of a piece of work, we have failed as we have leapt—spectacularly, brazenly — into the unknown.”

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Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

Four years ago, I sat in the library of my children’s school and said a small prayer.

“Please don’t let that happen to us,” I thought.

I was listening to a psychiatrist talk about anxiety. He said that during adolescence a child’s hormones can amplify stress and anxiety, causing depression. As predicted, the hormones came, my son’s anxiety got worse and he became depressed.

Maybe I should have been more proactive and made choices for my son that would have reduced his stress and anxiety. Instead, we let him make choices that satisfied some of his personal ambitions but exacerbated his anxiety. We let him leave his support system and travel across the country to go to boarding school. The move fulfilled his desire to explore new interests, have new experiences and challenge himself. It also made his undiagnosed depression worse.

As a parent, what do you do when you think trouble is coming? Do you make decisions for your child, knowing that you have the experience to anticipate the consequences? Or do you let your child make decisions that will help him to discover who he is, even though it might come at a substantial price? The child who elicited my silent prayer has a big personality. As a child, he was loud, independent and adventurous. Unlike our oldest son, who did not want to leave our arms, our middle child cried until we put him down. A lover of novelty and adventure, he wrote a high school admissions essay about a holiday celebrating rollercoasters. The day would “remind people to enjoy the journey.” You would never know that he is also highly sensitive.

Anxiety, sensitivity, independence and an adventurous spirit; all of these characteristics seemed to be baked into our son at birth. They also fight against one another, as adventure creates anxiety and sensitivity requires support. The qualities that led my son to his depressed state are not going to go away. So, what can I do to ease his journey? I asked him.

He didn’t know how to respond until he found himself on the other end of the conversation. A friend came to him to confess that he was depressed. As my son thought about what to do, he went quickly through a list of don’ts. Don’t say that you understand what the other person is going through because you don’t. Don’t say that things will get better because when you are hurting, you believe that it will never get better. Instead, my son said something that I think about every day. He told his friend:

“If you never get better, if you are always sad, nothing will change between us. I care for you as much today in your sadness as I did when you were happy. You don’t have to change. We will always be good.”

His expression of unconditional love and acceptance stunned me. I thought he would share strategies that worked or connections that sustained him. Instead, my son accepted his friend as he found him. He not only refused to offer advice but also absolved his friend of the responsibility to “get better” for his sake.

I am not suggesting that parents just sit back and watch their child get depressed. My son needed a professional to help him find a way out of the dark. But, I also learned that every well-meaning comment intended to help him imposed a burden of its own. He told me as much a year ago when I held him in my arms as he cried. Desperate to find something to make him feel better, I reminded him that he was home and I was with him.

“Does that make you feel a little bit better?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “I know that I am making you sad, and that makes me feel worse.”

Our children know what we want for them. We want them to be happy. Yet, we know their gifts may come with anxiety, emotional intensity, perfectionism or social isolation, all of which make reaching this goal difficult. We think we know how to help them cope with a potentially cruel world; if they would just modify their behavior in one way or another, we are sure that things will be better. In the process, we are sometimes communicating to them our dissatisfaction with who they are. Maybe we could just put aside our goals for them and help them understand themselves and be themselves. Maybe every challenge doesn’t need a strategy, a pep talk or a class. Maybe they need to know that we don’t need them to change. Maybe the most important thing for them to know is that together, we will always be good.

Perfectionism is a quality that I struggle with first hand. Even as an adult, I find myself obsessing over errors in my weekend softball games and silently competing with the runner on the next treadmill at the gym. As a child, I would spend countless hours tearing out pages of sketchbooks and notebooks because there was a misspelled word, a fragmented sentence or even a smudge from my left-handed cursive. A mistake meant that the entire project had to be redone, because if everything didn’t line up perfectly, including my penmanship, it wasn’t worth turning in. Projects and deadlines became daunting, because how could the perfect drawing be executed in just one weekend? After spending time with gifted adolescents throughout the summer, I realized that this was a common trait in gifted students and that I was not alone. I have found ways to focus this perfectionism into more constructive goals as I’ve gotten older, but I still see the importance (especially with gifted children) of addressing the ever “strangling” concept of failure.

Perfectionism often points to “giftedness” because perfection in itself is an abstract idea. Looking for perfection is the thought of pursuing what is possible yet is not concrete in reality. Striving for something better, or reaching your full potential, is not a bad characteristic. However, it can take an emotional turn when you do not create balance in your life. “As with all dimensions of physical, cognitive and emotional well-being, the objective for children who have perfectionistic tendencies should be to find a healthy balance in which there is enough growth, but without undue and debilitating stress” (Matthews, Dona J., and Joanne F. Foster. 2005). Many times this overwhelming stress is an internal conflict that perfectionists impose upon themselves. However, extracurricular activities along with the daunting deadline can have the result of students losing initiative and procrastinating until the last minute. It’s rewarding to pursue excellence; it’s exhausting to disillusion yourself into thinking you’re incapable of completing the task at hand.

Now, as I reflect back on past personal experience, I see how making mistakes can be used as a learning tool. Open communication with students and consistent support is a great start to soothe the frustrations perfectionist behavior inflicts. It can be helpful to address the importance of rewording failures as “learning experiences”, and have faith in the perfectionist to reach his or her overall goals. Not once did I observe what I learned from scoring a 95% on a test. Learning should have been my priority as a perfectionist student, not the grade. This balance of errors and achievements is important for daily life. Without this willingness to take risks and face failure, there would be no innovation or modern day science.

When an assistant asked Thomas Edison, “Well, Mr. Edison, how do you feel about having 1,500 failures to your credit?” Edison replied, “No, they weren’t failures. We now know 1,500 light bulb filaments that don’t work!”

References

Matthews, Dona J., and Joanne F. Foster. Being Smart about Gifted Children: A Guidebook for Parents and Educators. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential, 2005. Print.

Silverman, Linda Kreger, and Leland Baska. Counseling the Gifted and Talented. Denver, CO: Love Pub., 1993. Print.

How have you or your kids worked through the challenges that come with perfectionism? Please share in the comment section below.

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Radiating Possibility is an inspirational video highlighting the insight of Benjamin Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic. In partnership with his wife, Rosamund Zander – an executive coach and family systems therapist – he created five key steps to radiating possibility. The short film gives viewers the opportunity to witness Ben in action as he conducts his orchestra and individually tutor musicians in a very unique way. He draws his students out of the competitive mindset of performance and, instead, pushes them to experience life in their talent and a real connection to their skill. His dynamic instruction, combined with Roz’s therapeutic intuition, opens up a vibrant world of possibility that lies beyond fears, habits and assumptions. Viewers discover that every human being brought into the world of radiating possibility will be encouraged to keep their song going.

For the gifted child, Radiating Possibilty is the perfect conduit for self-discovery in a world often times wrought with competition and pressure. At Yunasa, we presented Radiating Possibility on the first night of camp and used it as a touchstone each day for accelerating the pace of interaction among peers. The goal was to give campers the courage to open their hearts and enter the dance, to drop the assumption that people aren’t interested in what they have to say.

The Zanders offer the following five steps to radiating possibility, each of which can be applied to help gifted children embrace themselves and their potential:

1. Sit in the front row of your life. Participate!
   After a rousing clip of Ben conducting his orchestra with so much gusto that the musicians around him grin from ear to ear, he exclaims, “Throw yourself into life like a pebble in a pond and notice the ripples!” Gifted children may feel pressure from themselves or their peers to minimize their focus in a particular field because it is “too much” or “too intense.” They often receive verbal and nonverbal cues from the community around them suggesting they hold back or “rein in” their passion, enthusiasm or contributions in order to fit in with the group. But when gifted students are inspired to participate, with whatever skill sets they bring to the table, they are given an outlet and a means of giving back to their community, their peers and their families.
2. When you make a mistake, say: “How fascinating!”
   Many gifted children struggle with perfectionism. Gifted children are well above average in certain areas, but they are still bound to make mistakes as part of being human. When gifted children practice looking in the face of failure; raising their hands, their voices and their eyebrows and shout, “How fascinating!”, they learn not to waste time dwelling on mistakes and to use mistakes as learning opportunities.
3. Quiet the “voice in your head.”
   When Ben is instructing a student, he says he is “dealing with the student and the person standing next to the student” who whispers statements of doubt and fear in the student’s ear. We can’t necessarily get rid of the voice in the head, but we can choose how we respond to it. Ben suggests we say, “Thank you for sharing, but I’m busy,” to that negative voice. When gifted children focus themselves on being a contribution, they are able to achieve great things. Giving credit to the voice in the head only conceals their special talents. The gifted community can benefit greatly from self-talk as a means to overcoming these negative voices so they are free to perform, showcase and contribute in a way that holds nothing back!
4. Live in radiating possibility. Become part of the song!
   The realm of possibility is all about dreams. In the dream world there are no barriers. The gifted mind is naturally full of possibilities and creative dreams. Allowing oneself to radiate in those possibilities takes practice. Practice begins with acting as if no barriers exist.
5. Invent a new game: “I am a contribution.”
   Ask yourself, “How will I contribute today?” In the classroom, in group settings, in peer relationships, gifted children should see what they have to offer as a contribution, not just evidence of individual talent. Whether it’s playing an instrument, competing for a title or even earning grades, each act of will viewed as a contribution builds on the feeling of being fully alive. When gifted children think of themselves as contributing to something bigger than them, rather than measured as an individual success or failure, they strengthen their emotional and social muscles and discover a renewed sense of energy.

Gifted people radiating possibility become powerful forces in our society for good. Let us be the parents, teachers, family and organizations that help silence the voice in the head and become part of the song!

Have you or your kids tried any of these steps? How did they work out? Please share with us in the comment section below!

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Gifted children are unique in so many ways, but are they unique when it comes to depression? The most cited piece of scholarly literature on the psychological well-being of gifted children is “The Impact of Giftedness on Psychological Well-Being: What Does the Empirical Literature Say?” (Neihart, 1999). This meta-analysis reviewed dozens of findings, primarily from research conducted in the 1980’s and 1990’s, in the areas of giftedness and self-concept; depression, anxiety and suicide; social competence; deviant behavior; and psychiatric disorders. The first piece of good news is that Neihart found that gifted students did not have any higher levels of depression than their non-gifted peers nor, after some early findings to the contrary, that there was any higher prevalence of either suicide attempts or ideation among gifted adolescents. Next, the meta-analysis concluded that anxiety levels among gifted children were actually lower relative to their non-gifted peers. Finally, the research concluded that any connection between giftedness and self-concept was inconclusive, given the variety of factors that affect self-concept. (There was, however, some evidence to suggest that students in segregated gifted classrooms had lower self-concepts than those in only part-time classrooms.)

On the issue of social competence, Neihart found that the gifted population was diverse and that whether a particular child had the necessary social skills to cope depended on “their specific domain of talent, their degree of giftedness, and their self-perceptions or other personal characteristics.” Specifically, he found that the verbally gifted felt less socially accepted and self-important than the mathematically gifted and the extremely gifted were more at-risk than the moderately gifted.

Finally, the author concluded, “Intellectually or academically gifted children who are achieving, and participate in special educational program [sic] for gifted students are at least as well adjusted and are perhaps better adjusted than their non-gifted peers. These children do not seem to be any more at-risk for social or emotional problems. It is clear then from the research that giftedness does influence psychological outcomes for people, but whether those outcomes are positive or negative seems to depend on several factors that interact synergistically. These factors are the type and degree of giftedness, the educational fit or lack thereof, and one’s personal characteristics.

That’s the good news. Now for the bad. First, some researchers question the methodology of Neihart’s study arguing that some segments of the gifted population were underrepresented.

Next, some research, in particular a study by SENG (Supporting the Educational Needs of the Gifted), suggests that gifted children may be more likely to suffer emotional or social difficulties because of their “overexcitability,” perfectionism, and other differences from the norm. “Poorness of fit” of educational programming was identified in the SENG study as a major component leading to a depressive state because of the ensuing social isolation.

Gifted children appear to be especially susceptible to a type of depression called “existential.” Existential depression occurs when a child (or adult, for that matter) confronts the big issues of life like death, freedom, isolation and the meaning of life. It is sometimes called “what’s the point” depression. Though sometimes the result of a major loss, the belief is that gifted children are more prone to this type of depression because they, on their own, reflect more often on these issues rather than on the more superficial aspects of our day-to-day existence.

Additionally, research suggests that highly gifted children are extremely adept at masking the symptoms of depression. Those symptoms include social withdrawal, acting out in an immature manner, “the acute intellectualization of all phenomena, and highly focused pursuits that preclude engaging in a broader social context.” Often, there is a physical component as well, such as ill health and loss of appetite. Gifted children try to hide these symptoms both out of a sense of shame and failure and their perception that they need to protect others from their emotional state as well as the belief that others just would not understand.

What should be done about those gifted students who do struggle with psychological disorders? Early intervention is critical. Treatment for major depression usually includes psychiatric consultation and medication and psychotherapy. Because of the unique attributes of a gifted child, researchers advise finding a clinician familiar with these children. Gifted children who are suffering from “existential” depression are aided by knowing that others, including adults, have similar experiences. Touch is also helpful, whether a hug or just a fist bump. Ultimately the studies returned to the conclusion that a compatible educational fit and a connection to other highly gifted teens create the best possible circumstances for good emotional health.

And, after all, isn’t that what the IEA is all about?

Mark Erlandson, the parent of a gifted student who presently attends a boarding school out East, is a former lawyer and public high school English teacher from Wisconsin starting a new business as a legal writing consultant.