Judy Weiner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in the social-emotional needs of gifted and twice-exceptional (2e) individuals. She is affiliated with SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted), leads parent groups, and serves on the Oak Park Unified School District GATE Advisory Committee. 

Judy framed her presentation around the Columbus Group’s definition of giftedness: asynchronous development where advanced cognitive abilities and emotional intensity create inner experiences that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony often increases with intelligence and requires adjustments in parenting, teaching, and counseling to support optimal development. 

She encouraged parents to reflect on how their expectations align with their child’s unique profile, reminding them that success looks different for every gifted child. 

Factors Contributing to Underachievement: 

Judy discussed common contributors to underachievement in gifted youth, including: 

• Identity and peer issues 
• Multipotentiality (high ability in many areas) 
• Schoolwork that is too easy or too difficult 
• Poor study or organizational skills 
• Perfectionism and procrastination 
• Power struggles caused by over-involved parenting 

Instilling a growth mindset can help gifted students understand that intelligence is not static and can be developed. This can lead to a desire to learn and tendencies to embrace challenges, learn from criticism, and be inspired by others’ success.  

Understanding Motivation: 

Judy emphasized that behavior is a form of communication. She used the iceberg metaphor to show how surface-level behaviors may stem from deeper issues like anxiety, skill deficits, or unmet emotional needs. Open conversations can help uncover these hidden challenges. 

Supporting Passions and Interests: 

One way to build motivation is by supporting the areas and topics children care most about. Encouraging curiosity, facilitating access to experiences, and offering opportunities aligned with their passions can improve engagement and self-confidence. 

Creating the Right Learning Fit: 

Judy highlighted the importance of working with educators to ensure appropriate pacing and challenge. She defined differentiation as tailoring the curriculum to match a student’s learning level, style, and interests, and not simply giving more or harder work. Ideally, learning should fall within the child’s Zone of Proximal Development, where tasks are challenging enough to stimulate growth without being overwhelming. 

Judy’s Recommended Books: 

• Mistakes That Worked by Charlotte Foltz Jones 
• Ish by Peter H. Reynolds 
• Letting Go of Perfect by Jill Adelson and Hope Wilson 
• How to Motivate Your Child for School and Beyond by Andrew Martin 
• Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades by Sylvia Rimm 
• Moving Past Perfect by Thomas S. Greenspon 

Coming This Fall: 

We’re excited to keep the conversation going with two upcoming sessions you won’t want to miss:

• On Wednesday, September 10, join us for Secrets to Finding the Best-Fit High School, a practical and timely discussion for families navigating the next step in their child’s educational journey (in-person session).
• On Wednesday, October 8, we’ll take a deeper dive into perfectionism in Practical Interventions for the Practically Perfect. Gifted education expert Lisa Van Gemert will share strategies you can use right away to help gifted youth manage perfectionistic thinking and behaviors (virtual session).

As a die-hard Gilmore Girls fan dating back to the show’s original run, its coming revival has me very excited. It seems like there is a new article on some aspect of the show every day, from fashion choices to boyfriend debates to behind-the-scenes trivia.  While re-watching a favorite episode, it hit me that one thing I have never seen addressed is the giftedness of two of the characters and the contrasts in how it is manifested.

Rory is a teenager who would be considered “gifted” by most traditional definitions of the word. She craves knowledge and grasps concepts easily. As her grandfather put it, “This girl could name the state capitals at 3, recite the periodic table at 4, (and) discuss Schopenhauer’s influence on Nietzsche when she was 10.” Rory clearly has an advanced ability.

In the first episode of the series, she leaves the local public high school, Stars Hollow High, to attend the prestigious, academically-challenging Chilton school. After initially struggling (especially socially), we see Rory find her place and thrive among students of similar ability and drive before eventually moving on to Yale University. Rory ends the series having had many opportunities to pursue her interests, both academically and personally, in a stimulating environment.

In contrast, we meet her eventual high-school boyfriend Jess. He demonstrates an ability to learn quickly, is constantly reading and always seeking out new knowledge, characteristics that attract Rory. He also has an apathetic attitude toward school, is socially isolated and shows a lack of long-term goals, all signs of a gifted underachiever, according to the 2e Newsletter. He eventually drops out of high school due to boredom, spending years achieving way below his potential.

So what is the difference between them? Why does one gifted student thrive and the other flounder? Perhaps it is their support systems, or lack thereof.  A paper by Sally M. Reis of the University of Connecticut notes that family problems and home environment can affect the achievement of gifted students.  Rory comes from a home with an extremely supportive mother and grandparents willing to do anything they can to help her succeed. Her gifts and interests are encouraged and celebrated by those around her. Jess, however, comes from a tumultuous home where he is often overlooked. He lacks the same opportunities and support to find his “tribe” that are available to Rory. Would Jess have thrived if he, too, would have had the chance to learn in an environment like Chilton?

Unfortunately, Jess’ situation is all too real for many gifted students. So much potential has been wasted in children who may not even realize their true ability and lack guidance in discovering their unique gifts. We as a community must help identify and nurture these children to reach their full potential before it is too late, whether that be through classroom intervention, mentoring programs or a change in how we measure giftedness. Perhaps one day we will live in a world where gifted children like Jess only exist in fiction.

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Nicole LaChance graduated from Michigan State University with a B.A. in Journalism before moving West in pursuit of milder winters. Prior to joining the IEA team, she spent time working in marketing for an architecture firm and completed two years of national service in the AmeriCorps program. Over the past few years she has worked with nonprofits to communicate their message and impact to the world around them, work she is excited to continue at IEA. When not at the office, she enjoys reading, cooking, traveling wherever she can and making bad puns.

This post is part of the Hoagies’ Gifted Blog Hop Giftedness in Pop Culture. Please click the image below to keep on hopping!

Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

Some gifted children are easier to identify than others. My middle child is a mathematically talented student. It’s hard to overlook a kindergartner who is multiplying and dividing double digit numbers without having ever been taught to do so. In contrast, my oldest son possesses gifted characteristics that were less obvious to me. He has emotional depth, a vivid imagination and an interest in doing things differently. He is highly creative. My son is smart, yes, but he is not an outlier in any particular academic area.

My gifted antenna failed to properly identify my oldest child because I didn’t know what I was looking for. To further complicate matters, he didn’t have the opportunity to demonstrate these characteristics in the classroom. In retrospect, I realize that I saw evidence of these gifted characteristics but failed to recognize them because I viewed his behavior through the prism of my own upbringing. In short, I was on a hunt for buried treasure with an incomplete map and poor vision.

Like most parents, my husband and I initially approached parenting with the assumption that we would raise our children largely the way we were raised. We both attended public school in the Midwest. While my education was not ideal, I attributed my success to my work ethic and internal drive. My husband felt that his success resulted from his desire to please his demanding parents. So, when my oldest son started daydreaming in class, we assumed that he lacked the drive and work ethic to succeed. We relied on his desire to please us and applied parental pressure. We said that we were going to “put the spurs on.” It was an unpleasant metaphor, but it wasn’t the worse thing I said. At a particularly frustrating moment, I called my son lazy.

It was at this point that we began to question our judgment and reevaluate our strategy for motivating our son. Bullying could not be the answer. Maybe something else was going on in the classroom. We decided to ask him.

My son told us that he retreated into his imagination when the teacher repeated information he already knew. He created a fantasy world with characters and a story line. Other times, he revisited characters from books he read. At one point, he told us that he didn’t read books, he lived in them. He even extended his creativity into mathematics. Once, he experimented with a new way of solving the problems on a math test. Unfortunately, his experiment failed miserably.

My son wasn’t lazy at all. He was building worlds, reliving old worlds and finding new ways to do things. He quietly disengaged as the class moved slowly through the curriculum—although, the teacher thought he was doing fine. Fortunately for him, he only needed to pay partial attention to do well in school. He was learning that that he could succeed while devoting minimal attention to his studies. This was not the work ethic we were hoping for in the classroom.

I learned later that my son’s disengagement was an early indication of underachievement. Every book that I consulted in later years made the same suggestions: address underachievement early with accommodations tailored to the student’s abilities. That is so much easier said than done. Our multiple attempts at advocacy would lead us from the classroom, to the principal’s office, to the Superintendent and then to the School Board. Ultimately, we succeeded, but that’s another story entirely.

When I think back on all of the preconceived notions we had about gifted children and success in the classroom, it’s a miracle that we discovered our son’s gifts. Somehow we found the humility to question our parental judgment, the courage to challenge his teacher’s expectations and the imagination to see what was invisible to us. But what we really needed was our 9-year-old son’s wisdom. Eventually, we discovered his gifts; we just needed gifts of our own to see them.

Have preconceptions of giftedness or success caused you or an educator to miss seeing something important in your child? Please share your experience in the comment section below.

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One of the greatest frustrations for parents is the assumption that giftedness means performing well in traditional school environments. Gifted children are not intrinsically motivated by good grades; they are more passionate about the acquisition of knowledge than performing rote tasks. This causes a problem when the school structure and grades rely on repetition and memorization.

With budget cuts, growing class sizes, and an emphasis on standardized test scores, it is difficult for educators to differentiate instruction and meet the needs of every student in the classroom. Often, it is the gifted students who are short-changed because they already know much of the material they need to demonstrate on high stakes tests.

Bored, unchallenged students are often a result. Many check out of the learning process, which can lead to underachievement and even academic failure.

Although there are many reasons gifted kids underachieve, the most common are

• A mismatch between students and their classroom environment
• Disinterest in content
• Poor self-concept and fear of failure
• Learning disabilities
• Lack of self-regulation and study skills

It is important for underachievement to be spotted early, when possible, and addressed quickly. If your children think that learning and school require little to no effort, they may continue to slack off and may not ever learn to challenge themselves and work to their full potential in higher level thinking (Winner, 1996). If this is a problem your children encounter, it is important that you work with their school and challenge them whenever possible.

Start this process by finding out more. Why exactly is your child bored? A teacher will not be able to make the necessary accommodations without this knowledge. Is it because the class is struggling to understand division, to which several days of class have been devoted, but your child has perfectly understood division for six months and has nothing to do while the teacher continues to explain it? Approach the teacher with this specific challenge and ask for an accommodation to solve the problem.

When speaking with your child’s teacher, you may have to combat misunderstandings about giftedness and underachievement in gifted children. Be prepared. Bring support to show your child’s gifts (test scores, GATE qualification, assessments, etc.). Many parents also find it helpful to bring research and journal articles to meetings like this to support your concerns and give the teacher the opportunity to learn more. You can also provide the teacher with several potential solutions, including some form of acceleration.

Remember that a good relationship with your child’s teacher or a school administrator is crucial to receiving special accommodations, so do your best to show how this can be a mutually beneficial relationship. Approach the teacher in a positive manner. Acknowledge that the teacher is the expert in education, and you trust his or her expertise there. However, you are the expert on your child, and you can offer the teacher some suggestions on what will be positive or negative situations for your child. Once you’ve discussed the problems, you can try to reach agreements with the teacher on how to mitigate these challenges. Also explain to the teacher that you are available to discuss your child at any time. The better your communication is with the school, the more your child will benefit.

Outside of school, give your child an environment that encourages inquiry and critical thinking. Provide access to supplemental programs geared towards your child’s intellectual ability and pace of learning. The more opportunities you provide for your child to be challenged outside of school, the more you will emphasize that hard work does pay off, even if that isn’t being demonstrated in school. You should also help your child develop communication skills so that he or she can effectively communicate with you and teachers if school is not challenging or engaging enough.

Understanding, spotting, and addressing factors that lead to underachievement early can help your children learn to challenge themselves and work towards their full potential.

This post is a part of SENG’s National Parenting Gifted Children Week Blog Tour. We encourage you to browse the list of participating blogs to find more posts about parenting gifted children.

What has your experience been in addressing your child’s underachievement or unchallenging work at school? Please share your experiences with us in the comment section below!

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