This week, I had an opportunity to observe a session of Spyglass, IEA’s new distance learning program that brings professionals and students together via Zoom for specialized workshops. This particular session was the 4th class in a 6-part series for children ages 9-12. The first three classes were about public speaking, and this one was entitled Speech and Debate, taught by master’s candidate Reece Aguilar, Assistant Debate Coach for the University of Southern California. In an hour and a half (which flew by), I personally learned more than I expected to.  

This was a beginner’s class, so the instructor started from scratch – he taught us what debate actually is: the act of persuading a skeptical audience to align with your view. He led us through the components of an effective debate, including how to remain unemotional and free of fallacies.  

By the end of class, each student was charged with the task of writing a complete argument that might be used in an actual debate. They were given an array of topics to choose from, including whether or not schools should extend recess, whether or not cafeterias should offer free lunch, or whether or not schools should require uniforms. Students were given no more than five minutes to create their arguments, and each one was able to write and deliver their 30-second arguments with articulate confidence.  

I am not sure what I expected, but I was riveted the whole time! This was far from a droll lecture; this was an interactive discussion, truly a hands-on workshop. Reece did a fantastic job engaging the children; every student participated in the conversation and the final presentation. 

When the COVID-19 pandemic rendered in-person learning unsafe, I was skeptical about the quality of distance learning. I could not picture IEA’s dynamic, interactive programs translating into an online format. After sitting in on both Spyglass and Yunasa, I am convinced that IEA’s teachers and staff have mastered distance learning. And while we would all rather be together, this is the next best thing.  

Click here to learn more about IEA’s Online Spyglass program.  

Dan Tichenor is a beloved Yunasa Fellow and friend of IEA. During our virtual Yunasa West session, Dan led a workshop about self-kindness, a topic that seems especially important right now, when everything feels upside down. I conducted an interview with Dan about self-kindness so that our entire community might have access to wisdom on the subject. 

Jennifer: You end all your emails with “be kind to yourself.” This has always struck me; it lends a gentleness to all your messaging. It is a simple, powerful reminder in a world full of aggression and urgency. You exude kindness. Do you feel you have more kindness to offer when you are kind to yourself? 

Dan: In the fall of 2008, when I started teaching the Learning Opportunities Program, a self-contained special education class for the lowest cognitive functioning kids in the school district where I worked, I needed to come up with a simple set of rules that everyone could understand. I found these three rules in an article about a school in California with students who came from challenged backgrounds. The story discussed how focusing on these simple rules helped the school achieve behavioral and academic success.

Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Take care of the place.

Every year we spent a lot of time discussing as a classroom community – teachers, assistant teachers, and students – the rights we all shared within the three major categories. From the list of “rights” we constructed an “agreement” that we would all sign. As I observed kids honoring each other’s “rights,” I thought it was important they receive recognition. I started a “Kindness Basket.” If I observed someone being kind or doing something kind, I would ask them to write a note describing their behavior and put it in the basket. Periodically we would go through the notes and publicly acknowledge their kindnesses.

I became a Yunasa Fellow in 2007, and I began to introduce mindfulness practices, sitting quietly, deep breathing, and short psychosynthesis exercises into the daily routine at school. It wasn’t long before I began reminding some of my colleagues, who were often self-critical, to take time to be kind to themselves. It just made sense not to beat oneself up over frustrating situations that are out of our control. I shared these thoughts at faculty meetings. Over time I started using “be kind to yourself” as a salutation on e-mails and notes.

In 2018 when Michele and I went to Australia to vacation with our son and his family, I spent some time in a bookstore in Sydney. As is my habit, I browsed the mindfulness section, where I found The Little Book of Kindness by David Hamilton. When I saw that chapter 4 was entitled, “Be Kind to Yourself,” I bought the book immediately. For me, who had been telling folks for years to be kind to themselves, it was like finding a buried treasure.

It is an amazing source of validation for the positive effects of kindness on both the agent of kindness and the recipient. In the first chapter, “Biology of Kindness,” Hamilton compares the benefits of kindness to the effects of stress.

What Stress Does                                           What Kindness Does

Increases blood pressure                              Reduces blood pressure

Damages the cardiovascular system                       Protects the cardiovascular system

(Kindness is “cardioprotective”)

Can make people unhappy                         Makes people happy

Suppresses the immune system                   Boosts the immune system

Tenses the nervous system                            Relaxes the nervous system

Increases inflammation                                Reduces inflammation

Can trigger depression                                 Can be an antidote to depression

Later in chapter five, he demonstrates how kindness is contagious and has a ripple effect, like dropping a pebble in a pond. The more kindness you give, the more it is reciprocated and paid forward to others.

Jennifer: How do you encourage the gifted kids in your life to be kind to themselves?

Dan: In his book, Hamilton says that “Being kind to ourselves is part of valuing ourselves and also gives us more energy to be able to be kind to others.” I explain to kids that self-care impacts our ability to extend kindness to others. We all need to look after our own energy levels to be able to extend energy and kindness to others.

Jennifer: During your Yunasa self-kindness workshop, you emphasize the importance of saying “no” as a way of being kind to yourself. Why is saying “no” so important during our pursuit of self-kindness?

Dan: Saying “no” sometimes allows us to re-energize and recharge so we have the energy to give and be kind.   Hamilton says it “allows us to increase and restore mental and emotional energy so that we are able to say ‘yes’ on many other occasions.”

Jennifer: Why are healthy boundaries important as we strive to be kind to ourselves?

Dan: Healthy boundaries are the safety nets of life. They provide us the opportunity to remain safe when we face choices between risky behavior and appropriate behavior. There are many examples that can be applied regarding drinking, controlled substances, sex, curfew, driving, parties, etc.

Jennifer: I agree wholeheartedly that boundaries are the safety nets of life. I would even take it further and say that boundaries are important during the everyday minutiae as well as when confronted with potentially dangerous circumstances. Boundaries go hand-in-hand with saying “no.” When we are maxed out, over-committed, and in need of alone time, saying “no” to extra activities (even uplifting activities) can be an act of self-kindness. When we spend time getting to know ourselves, tending to our interior lives through meditation and self-reflection, we become more aware of the boundaries we need to remain healthy.

What are some ways you prioritize self-kindness in your own life? 

Dan: I have been an athletic person my whole life. For me, it is important to have a regular exercise routine. Recently I found I benefit from keeping an exercise log: writing down the various exercises and number of repetitions each time I exercise. It is a self-motivating tool. I limit the amount of sugar snacks and deserts I eat, focusing on healthy eating. I also feel it is very important to practice mindfulness meditations on a regular basis. During the current pandemic situation, Michele and I are both committed to staying healthy by practicing social isolation, wearing masks, not going to stores, etc.

Jennifer: I was kind to myself today when I mindfully enjoyed a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

What are some ways gifted kids can interact with their own inner critic?

Dan: Let the inner critic know that everyone makes mistakes. Do your best to rectify the situation, and try not to make the same mistake again. And even if you do, let it go and start over. Just keep going. Practice perseverance.

Jennifer: A mantra can be helpful when standing up to our inner critic, too. For me, it is helpful to notice my critical thoughts as they flit through my mind: I acknowledge them, release them, and return to my mantra or short prayer. I find that my own mantras are helpful all day long. I don’t necessarily need to be engaged in a session of meditation for my mantras to aid in the redirection of my thoughts.

You are a storyteller. How can the stories we tell about ourselves influence our own self-kindness? 

Dan: Stories provide examples of how we were kind, what happened when we were kind, how we felt when we were kind, how others felt during our kindness, how we took another step on the path of life after stumbling and falling down, and how we are able to reinforce resilience in ourselves and others.

Jennifer: I also think about Stef Tolan (to those of you who don’t know her, she is a brilliant author, Senior Fellow, and friend of IEA) who believes in the power of stories as a way of shaping our lives. The way we frame our circumstances can inspire gratitude and contentment rather than despair and resentment. She says, “I have whatever I need whenever I need it, wherever I need it, for as long as I need it.”

How have you been kind to yourself today?

Dan: Yes, I have been kind to myself today. I got up early to drive 40 minutes back to our home to get some items we needed that were delivered there. When I got back to our lake house, I completed the outdoor chore I had planned for the day – spreading fertilizer on the lawn. I had lunch, took a shower, and sat down to complete this kindness project. When I finish, I plan to make chicken chili for dinner. I like to cook.

Jennifer: You usually lead Qi Gong and Labyrinth workshops at Yunasa; how do these practices promote self-kindness?

 Dan: The practice of Qi Gong is mindfulness in motion. It allows me to connect the Qi energy – life force – within me. I find it physically and mentally relaxing, especially when I can do it accompanied by Tibetan flute music. Walking in a labyrinth is a meditation in motion – a mindful journey to the center, focusing on whatever intention one chooses. For me, both practices are relaxing and spiritually stimulating at the same time.

Jennifer: Qi Gong, labyrinths, and psychosynthesis are all modes of meditation and powerful conduits of self-kindness. There have been wonderful discoveries about the effects of meditation and contemplation on the brain’s neuroplasticity. Typically, our neurons love to latch onto negative thoughts. Rick Hanson, psychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain says, “The mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” Meditation (or contemplation) orients the brain toward positivity and improves immune functioning (“Alterations in Brain and Immune Function Produced by Mindfulness Meditation,” Richard J. Davidson, et al). This means that our bodies can be physiologically changed by the intentional way we direct our thoughts and breath. Meditation also helps our attentiveness, and attentiveness leads to presence and further self-discovery. In the words of the brilliant poet Mary Oliver, “Ten times a day something happens to me like this – some strengthening throb of amazement – some good sweet empathetic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest, and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”

So, in the words of Dan Tichenor, be kind to yourself.

“The word ‘education’ comes from the Latin ‘educere’= e (out of) + ducere (to draw). Education is not just about putting information in. We have forgotten that it, in fact, begins in the child’s heart.” -Vince Gowmon

Wonderful things happen when educators employ child-led learning in their classrooms. My own children are not quite school age; Claire is 4, so my personal experience pertains to preschool. While searching for options, I visited a preschool where the teachers take cues from their students and help them navigate their interests, explore their creativity, and critically think about their ideas. One class was particularly interested in writing and storytelling, so the students, ages 2 to 6, contributed to a short story they worked on daily. Each child had a journal, and even though many of them couldn’t write yet, the teachers were of the mindset that all markings are important. Another class at the same school was interested in “how to get wood to stick together,” and after working through a couple hypotheses – tape and glue – one child returned to school after a weekend with a new idea. He informed the class that as his family was driving, he saw houses being built, and his parents told him they used nails to get the wood to stick. In this particular classroom, the teacher created a station with a framed sign that read, “Julian’s theory on how to get wood to stick together.” The station was equipped with wood, hammers, and nails, and even the two-year-old students participated in the project. This preschool had a two-year waitlist.

I also visited a preschool where the teachers insisted that each child participate in a craft project, whether or not they wanted to. The crafts were primarily completed by the teachers, and I watched them coax children (who were immersed in imaginative play) into participation. The crafts felt forced – they seemed to function as keepsakes for parents rather than as tools to help students unfold. I’m sure many of you have experienced frustration with teachers and school systems that lacked the training and resources to help your children move beyond the standard subject material.

During the COVID quarantine, I somehow lost sight of my own educational philosophy for a moment. The internet has been brimming with all the creative things everyone is doing with their kids, and I have felt paralyzed and inadequate through it all. When my daughter’s preschool started sending home packets of worksheets and day-to-day ideas for activities, I clutched those scraps of paper and marched straight to the kitchen table with my child. Finally, I had found the structure I needed to conquer at-home preschool and live up to, well, everyone on the internet. Claire would emerge from her quarantine chrysalis as a polished and refined, well-educated preschool butterfly. I posted the calendar on the wall and announced that we would mark off each activity with a special sticker, and we sat down to conquer preschool. I pulled a worksheet out of the manila envelope. It was packed with bunnies and eggs and flowers and other spring-type shapes, and its instructions said to find six bunnies, nine eggs, eight flowers, and so on. I didn’t feel any measure of zen looking at it, and Claire didn’t hesitate before scribbling frantically while I tried to block her pencil, shouting, “NO! We have to find six bunnies!” She also refused to rhyme three words with “bee” or find four objects in the house shaped like rectangles. She wouldn’t count to 20 three times, either.

I despaired. My Instagram feed was brimming with watercolors of irises and stained-glass mandalas, and I couldn’t even get my kid to rhyme with “bee.”

As I bemoaned my lack of creativity and inability to create structured learning during a phone call with a friend, she pointed out that Claire doesn’t like activities that are presented to her in a structured way. She might run around the house, singing an original song about unicorns, but the moment you tell her to sit down and rhyme with “horn,” she will respond by blowing raspberries and falling off her chair. The activities her preschool sent were probably fun for some of her classmates, but they didn’t work for Claire’s style of learning. I only wanted to check them off my list because of my own insecurity.

I want to help Claire dive deeper into her interests, especially now that I’ve scrapped the picture searches and worksheets. In order to move forward, I had to experience an important epiphany: by putting pressure on myself to approach at-home learning with perfectionism, I subjected Claire to undue pressure and perfectionism. We made a few shifts. Instead of following the preschool calendar, we created a new calendar one week – she picked a subject she wanted to learn about and drew a picture of that subject for each day of the week. One day, we learned about flowers and embarked on a nature walk to find flowers to examine. The next day, we learned about mermaids, which led to many discussions about ocean creatures and life under the sea.

Child-led learning is especially important for gifted kids, whose basic education should include the type of acceleration that nurtures their particular gifts and interests. This is why Academy is so important – it allows gifted children to go as deep as they want into dynamic subjects that excite them. It places them among experts who encourage their excitement for a subject while helping them cultivate a mastery of it. Academy students have the space to think deeply about their subjects and discuss ideas with their fellow students and teachers. I have been inspired and impressed by my colleagues, who have transformed Academy into an engaging distance-learning platform. They have adapted quickly and efficiently to the needs of our community. Academy has been described as a “lifeline” for some IEA families, and I imagine that it is even more so now, as families strive to meet the social, emotional, and academic needs of their children while balancing their own work.

I hope that IEA’s year-round resources – Academy, LABS, Gifted Support Groups – are a source of support for you right now. Parents, please have grace for yourselves. We are all doing our best.

“To take children seriously is to value them for who they are right now rather than adults-in-the-making.” -Alfie Kohn

Click here to learn more about IEA program adaptations in response to COVID-19.

As the COVID-19 pandemic has developed over the last couple of weeks, I have been struck by my own attachments to simple comforts and small routines – they make me feel safe, and when the grocery stores started feeling post-apocalyptic, I began to feel my sense of safety diminish. I realize that my experience of the pandemic is an incredibly privileged one; many people in our community have not only experienced a shift in routine – their lives have been upended. Some have lost jobs; some are struggling to feed their children, who usually eat breakfast and lunch at school; some are struggling to work full-time from home while trying to navigate emergency homeschooling; and some have gotten very, very sick or lost loved ones to the virus.

Whatever your experience has been during this time, I know that a loss of routine can feel foreboding. Children rely on their routines for their own sense of stability, and while transitions are difficult for all of us, they are especially unsettling and scary for children. Even a transition as simple as shifting from park time to get-in-the-car time can yield a reaction so intense that you might feel compelled to hide behind the twisty slide until the volcano in the middle of the wood chips ceases its erupting.

Gifted children experience a heightened awareness that is “qualitatively different from the norm,” (Columbus Group), and your child’s response to a shift in routine (no matter how slight the shift may seem) might manifest as intense anxiety, stomach aches, outbursts, reclusiveness, or all of the above, even if this extra time spent together has felt like a gift. My own child sat in the middle of the sidewalk during her scooter ride yesterday and wailed, WAILED, because a chirping bird in a tree, whom she had named “Baby Tweetie” did not come down to play with her. I was baffled. I thought the moment would pass quickly, but she cried about Baby Tweetie for hours: “BAAABY TWEEEEETIE! I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES MEEEEE!” Her routine hasn’t shifted as dramatically as others’ have, but she is one of the most social people I know, and not playing with friends every day has been difficult for her. She longs for connection, and she was full of despair when her friend Baby Tweetie couldn’t offer it to her.

During my time working with Yunasa campers, I noticed that many gifted children feel intense anxiety relating to their perceived inability to affect change in a world of suffering. Younger kids might feel anxiety pertaining to their inability to affect change in their own, much smaller worlds. And when their lives have seemingly turned upside down, when their stabilizing routines have vanished, that anxiety might feel really big.

As we craft new routines during this time of transition, we might also provide tools for our kids to affect change in little ways.  As I read Peace is an Offering by Annete LeBox to my daughters today, it occurred to me that it is completely within our power to spread peace right now, and we can empower our kids to do the same. What is peace, exactly? I think it is a sense of serenity, a feeling of acceptance, a knowing that we are ok, even when things are crumbling around us. We might experience peace as our anxieties calm down, our anger subsides, or our feelings of restlessness diminish. And as we work to spread peace in our little worlds (or in the world at large), we experience a greater measure of peace, too.

“Peace is an offering. A muffin or a peach. A birthday invitation. A trip to the beach. Peace is gratitude for simple things. Light through a leaf, a dragonfly’s wings. A kiss on the cheek, raindrops and dew. A walk in the park, a bowl of hot stew.”

We spread peace by putting forth little offerings of grace and kindness into our communities. We keep our eyes open and meet needs where we can. We remain attentive, looking for beauty everywhere.

“Peace is holding on to another. Peace is the words you say to a brother. Will you stay with me? Will you be my friend? Will you listen to my story till the very end?”

We help others experience peace when we offer them our presence and attention.

“And even in the wake of tragedy, even then, you might find her. In the rubble of a fallen tower. In the sorrow of your darkest hour. In the hat of a hero. In the loss of a friend.”

Peace can coexist with sorrow and turmoil.

“So offer a cookie, walk away from a fight. Comfort a friend through the long, dark night.” Sing a quiet song. Catch a falling star.”

I think this book is saying that peace is something we can all work to spread. It is something that each of us can offer. When we find needs and meet them, when offer kindness, when we provide our undivided presence (from a safe distance, of course), we are affecting change.

This week, someone sent me flowers for no reason, my neighbor offered to drop off lemon turmeric cake, and my daughter’s cousin sent her a postcard. All of these little offerings helped to spread peace because they got me thinking how we could spread some love too. And if this trajectory continues, peace ought to spread even as the coronavirus continues to disrupt our lives and harm people we love. These are tangible tools we can offer our children, who might be feeling especially powerless and uncertain: 1. Let’s find a need and meet it. 2. Let’s send someone something that will make them feel special. 3. Let’s offer each other our complete attention. 4. Let’s find beauty in every corner of our lives. 5. Let’s provide comfort for someone who is hurting.

“Sing a quiet song. Catch a falling star. May peace walk beside you wherever you are.”

We hope that you will share this blog with others who may find it helpful. If you are able, please consider contributing to the Institute for Educational Advancement to help our organization continue to provide exceptional programming during this difficult time. 

Many gifted children are profoundly empathetic and often feel helpless when they ponder the lives of homeless people, refugees, families who lack food and water, and other vulnerable populations. I know a child who cries every time he sees a person on the streets – he wants to help all of them, and he feels pain when he can’t. I have read countless Yunasa applications in which campers discuss how they would help certain people groups across the world if they could. Some of these children experience actual depression when they feel the weight of their own helplessness amid so much pain.

In the wake of the election, I wonder how these deeply sensitive children are faring. As we teach our children about kindness, acceptance, and compassion, it must feel confusing when some of America’s leaders exhibit contradictory values. As an adult, I have been searching for ways to channel my own frustration.

When our leaders make decisions with which our children disagree, I encourage them to call their representatives. This is a small act that provides them with a voice. You can work with them to devise a succinct and heartfelt script and sit with them while they make the calls. To find the appropriate representatives, follow this link.

How can we empower our children further by helping them enact actual change? How can we show them that a little bit of love and effort actually makes a difference for the vulnerable populations who need help? We start at the base of Maslow’s Pyramid and meet a basic physiological need for a few families.

Clean water is the most fundamental human need, yet a staggering 660 million people do not have access to it. Additionally, only 67% of the world lives with proper sanitation. Children are exposed to disease; women and children are forced to walk hours every day to procure a small amount of dirty water for their families.

Clean water affects more than physical health:

• Providing clean water advances education: children with access to clean water are healthier and they have more time to attend class. Girls are more likely to stay in school when the buildings offer safe and sanitary bathrooms.
• Providing clean water helps women: women who do not spend their days lugging water can pursue careers, time with family, education, and other fulfilling endeavors that would have otherwise been unavailable to them.
• Providing clean water helps psychological health: when our minds are focused solely on survival, we are unable to tend to relationships or personal growth.
• Providing clean water helps to break the poverty cycle: clean water affects food production and the ability for many people to work.

The individuals of The Liturgists podcast have set up a way for us all to raise money to help families across the world receive the clean water they need. All of us, adults and children alike, can pledge our birthdays by asking friends and family to donate to an incredible nonprofit called charity: water rather than buying presents. Over 85,000 have joined this campaign, and together, they have raised $9 million to bring clean water to people in need in Africa, Asia, Central and South America. Every dollar we donate is used to fund water projects, and charity: water tracks donations with photos and GPS coordinates. Sustainability is crucial, and charity: water tends to the wells they build to ensure their water projects remain effective over time.

Follow this link to help your children pledge their birthdays to raise money for clean water. Birthday campaigns average $770 in donations, allowing charity: water to help 38 people.

I offer this encouragement for myself and for all of you: There will always be suffering, and sometimes empathy feels like a weight or a swirling sensation in the gut. We must never stop doing good. When our leaders disappoint us, we must never stop speaking up.

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This year, IEA’s theme for both the Bradley Seminar and Yunasa Summer Camps was “Finding and Cultivating Your Voice.” In a culture that has become image-obsessed, where we often exist behind a meticulously crafted social media identity, and where many personal interactions have been replaced with digital ones (my social media mask meets yours), finding our real voices, understanding who we are and what we have to offer unto the world, is essential. Also, most of us – and many gifted kids that I know – battle a convincing inner critic who can rise up, looming like a bully whose leg is constantly outstretched for us to trip upon.

If we can develop strong and healthy inner voices, we will hopefully live authentically while standing up successfully to the debilitating critical voices in our heads. IEA strives to provide a space for children to unfold, where they are emboldened to find and cultivate their voices.

In a 2008 interview from the podcast On Being, Irish poet, author, and philosopher John O’Donohue discusses biography: “It often seems to me that if a person believes that if they tell you their story, that’s who they are. And sometimes these stories are constructed of the most banal, second-hand psychological and spiritual cliché, and you look at a beautiful, interesting face telling a story that you know doesn’t hold a candle to the life that’s secretly in there…There’s a reduction of identity to biography.” Identity is different than the sum of our experiences, and while biography often “unfolds identity and makes it visible,” we hold within us a unique person who is so much more nuanced, interesting, and capable of incredible things.

As we develop a presence on the Internet, we essentially create an ‘in-real-time’ biography that we display to the world. We often interact with others through this Internet veil, and our real identity – our true voice – is neglected. In the same interview, John O’Donohue talks about an “evacuation of interiority” in our culture. How do we find and cultivate our voices? We nurture our interior lives; we tend to our insides. How do we tend to our insides? By being attentive, surrounding ourselves with beauty, becoming a part of an accepting, healthy community, and asking lots of questions.

Attentiveness – an ideal that we emphasize at Yunasa – provides us with the opportunity to explore how our surroundings affect us. It helps us to notice the needs of others and figure out how to meet those needs. It helps us to identify our own needs and advocate for them. It helps us to remain present. Finding our voice requires us to pay attention. Psychosynthesis, a type of guided meditation that we practice at Yunasa, serves to cultivate attentiveness in campers by helping them to focus solely on beautiful imagery that unravels in their minds. As the meditation continues, participants are able to uncover bits of creativity, imagination, and real issues that require consideration, and they are provided with a safe space to discuss and analyze these things. I believe prayer, mindfulness, and journaling also cultivate attentiveness and further awaken us to the beauty that surrounds us.

We must seek beauty: always “keep something beautiful in your mind” (Blaise Pascal).  Beauty – whether it takes the form of poetry, literature, music, sculpture, painting, theater, film, math, chemistry, astronomy, nature, or deep, enlivening conversation – awakens our identities; it brings us back to who we are. All of IEA’s programs provide the opportunity to nurture our need for beauty. Yunasa places gifted children in nature, in a beautiful setting where they are free to explore how their social, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical selves connect to make them whole. EXPLORE and Academy provide participants with a place to learn deeply about subjects that awaken their identities among other children and adult experts who find beauty in the same places. CDB allows students the freedom to pursue an education in a learning environment that matches their values, goals, hopes for community, and understanding of beauty.

Finding one’s voice is impossible without community; we are social creatures, and community provides a place for us to speak, to practice using our voice. A community of accepting individuals who hold similar values helps to draw us out of ourselves. When we feel safe, when we trust the people around us, we are able to give and receive help and love. IEA provides safe community within all of its programs – a place to land, a place to be vulnerable. We help guide each other, asking questions that help us think critically about ourselves and one another.

As I am wont to do, I shall end this blog post with a Thomas Merton quote:

 “We have the choice of two identities: the external mask which seems to be real…and the hidden, inner person who seems to us to be nothing, but who can give himself eternally to the truth in whom he subsists.”

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Tasked with the mission of writing a blog post, I pondered IEA’s 2016 theme, “Finding and Cultivating Your Voice.” Turning to Thomas Merton, to whom I often turn whilst seeking inspiration, I found this: “The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.” While we all should strive to develop our intuitions, seek self-understanding, and learn to trust and respect ourselves, how do we help our loved ones – friends, family members, children, and students – cultivate their voices?

By loving them.

One of my best friends is incredibly adept at asking profound questions – the kinds of questions that force you to delve into your mind and unravel swirling thoughts that haven’t yet been formed into words. She listens deeply. Her questions are meant to elicit answers that help her get to know bits of you that might be unwittingly hidden or unobvious. She loves by listening, by paying attention, and by finding ways to personalize her encouragement. She is a gifted person, and her intuition is powerful. She uses her intuition to discern needs in her friends, and she meets those needs creatively, often by appealing to specific senses of humor. As her friend, I have found her questions and personalized moments of encouragement, helpful in my own quest for self-understanding. She draws me out of myself, and as she is learning about bits of me, I learn just as much.

As a new mother, I hope to use these tactics as I get to know my daughter while she grows. At six months, her personality is already beginning to emerge – she approaches the world with a certain whimsy, her face alights when she connects with people, and she loves to sing and twist her hands in the air in front of her face. And this is only the beginning. I hope to love her by listening, watching, and seeking to understand her, then finding ways to help her cultivate her strengths and understand her weaknesses as they are, not as I wish them to appear.

Giftedness, while acting as a common bond between those who share it, also manifests in different and intricate ways. As we work to help gifted young people find their voices, we remember that the giftedness of each child is unique, and we do not expect anyone to fit perfectly into a gifted framework that aligns with a particular expectation or understanding of how giftedness should appear. I think of the children at Yunasa – some of them experience deep reverence for nature, their imaginations and spirits alight during guided visualizations, and they have stunning intuitions.  Others hesitate to connect with psychosynthesis, but they are able to decipher, without struggle, the foreign language of coding or advanced mathematics.  Some arrive at camp and immediately engage in captivating conversations about politics, physics, and literature. Others feel trapped inside themselves, longing to connect but confused as to how. To love these children, we honor their uniqueness and meet them where they are.  We engage them in ways that help them to learn about themselves, and we listen.

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Jennifer de la Haye obtained a B.A. in English with a creative writing emphasis from California State University, Long Beach. She spent time as a freelance writer and customer service representative before arriving at IEA. Jennifer is thrilled to contribute to an organization that nurtures and provides guidance for gifted youth, whose earnest curiosity and relationship with the world around them she finds inspiring and delightful. She especially enjoys working at IEA because she is constantly learning, likes and respects her colleagues, and finds value in contributing to an organization she admires.

Jennifer is the Program Coordinator for Yunasa, IEA’s pioneering summer camps that unite gifted young people ages 10-15 with experts in highly able youth. In a nurturing setting, campers explore and grow the intellectual, social, emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of their lives. Yunasa is the Lakota Sioux word for “balance.”

“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is the only moment.”

-Tich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk

At Yunasa, we begin each psychosynthesis session with a similar directive. Tich Nhat Hanh’s words remind us that all of life is held in this moment; his words encourage us to smile and seek gratitude for the moment we are in. Psychosynthesis, as practiced at Yunasa, is meant to cultivate balance amongst its participants, whose minds are often swirling with thoughts, anxieties, ideas, and observations, and for whom a peaceful moment is a true gift.

The word “balance” connotes an array of ideas – time management, sanity, stress-control, and lithe circus professionals sauntering across tight ropes. At Yunasa and within all of IEA’s programs, we strive to impart the type of balance that helps us to understand and interact with every piece of ourselves in an effort to pursue wholeness. In his commentary, “The Heart of Understanding,” Tich Nhat Hanh refers to the five elements that comprise a human being as five rivers that flow through every one of us: “…the river of form, which means our body, the river of feelings, the river of perceptions, the river of mental formations, and the river of consciousness.” These “rivers” are “made by the other four,” he says. “They have to co-exist; they have to inter-be with all the others.”   Just as each limb, neuron, cell, blood particle, and organ work together to sustain physical existence, so do the body, myriad emotions, soul, mind, and relationships interconnect to create life experience. Thomas Merton, a Catholic Trappist monk, says, “There is in all visible things…a hidden wholeness.” We strive to be whole, to seek balance, because wholeness brings us closest to who we are – complex and alive.

The pursuit of wholeness requires vulnerability because it means that we are intentionally acknowledging parts of ourselves that are less developed, even broken. In our culture of social media, it is tempting to present a polished rendition of ourselves – the most attractive, the cleverest, the most sophisticated version – as though we are ashamed to reveal the bits that we are working on, the parts of ourselves that need help. If we are not careful, this tendency creeps into our real-world presentation of our self, as well; this self is safer, impervious, protected by the armor of contrived impeccability. To grow in understanding of ourselves, however, and to establish meaningful, mutually empathetic connections with others, we must embrace vulnerability. As Brené Brown, author and public speaker, discusses in the podcast On Being: The willingness to approach life with our whole heart cannot be less than our willingness to be broken-hearted.

“We must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves.”

-Thomas Merton

We must take risks to be whole. For a shy intellectual, it might feel terrifying to acknowledge his innate need to integrate into an accepting community, especially if he suffers from the internal vituperation of perfectionism, when every word that he uses to forge a connection with another leaves him riddled with doubt. Likewise, understanding the connection between one’s emotions and her physical reactions, or engaging her physicality through outdoor adventures, might seem scary for the individual whose exceptional gifts are rooted elsewhere. Some of us prefer to eschew emotion altogether in an effort to remain focused on our work or to avoid the discomfort emotion sometimes renders. To live in relationship with ourselves and others, to pursue wholeness and balance, we must, with vulnerability and honesty, take the necessary risks. Yunasa is important because it is a safe, accepting place to take these risks and to delve into intensive learning about ourselves and our world.

This is our intention: to develop our ability to relate to others and our capacity to empathize with different perspectives; to explore and cultivate our blazing intellect; to create honest connections with the world, with nature, and with our community; to grow in understanding of our range of emotions – intense, subtle, tender, and wildly uncomfortable; to engage the intricacies of our spirit – both delicate and resilient; and to acknowledge the interconnectedness of each of these pieces – how they influence and inform one another at every moment.

In seeking balance, we are not striving to achieve equilibrium amongst every element of our personhood. Living in balance does not mean that one’s social skills are on par with her ability to reason, or that one’s physical agility matches her profound emotional reaction to beauty in nature or literature or art. Balance isn’t a strange and unnatural perfection; rather, balance is to understand the relationship between all of our parts – the developed pieces and the fragile ones. A musician does not employ every note of his instrument simultaneously or with equality; if he did, the result would be shrill and offensive. Instead, he creates an interaction between each of the notes; they complement one another, culminating in mellifluous accord – beautiful and alive.

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Learn more about IEA’s Yunasa summer camps for gifted youth here.

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people.  It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”  -Anne Lamott

Perfectionism has the tendency to lurk in our minds; it is a monster who strives to slash at our dreams and ambitions.  Giftedness is often connected to high expectation, and sharp minds often become self-effacing when expectations are not met.  I have watched gifted individuals cower, immobilized by the fear of failure or the dread of creating something less than hoped for.  I have watched talented writers discard their ideas and gifted artists cast aside their tools because they heeded – oftentimes without realizing –the sibilant whisper of perfectionism.

I recently listened to a woman speak about her gifted son whom she found, curled into a fetal position on his bedroom floor, sobbing.  She spotted a crumpled piece of paper next to him, and when she picked it up, discovered standardized test scores that placed him in the top 3% in every subject but one.

I know a young girl who, at 11, bypassed her teacher’s instructions to compose a two-page creative writing project for a writer’s workshop program by penning a fifteen-page short story about an introverted foster child’s struggles to integrate into her new family.  That year, as a sixth-grader, she advanced to a district-wide writing competition.  When she didn’t place, she cried and cried, dramatically proclaiming that she would “never write again.”  The next year, she was awarded first place in the same competition.  Her reaction was not joyful or celebratory; she was not excited for her victory – she was relieved, as though the award was an assurance that she was, well, okay.  Like many gifted and high achieving students, she was especially hard on herself; to her, a “B” was an embarrassing reflection of her own inadequacy.  By high school, she was so tired of the tumult in her mind that she abandoned academia altogether and found her identity in other things.  I know her as an adult, and she says that she still feels an internal pull to write, but she is afraid.

The desire to perform well or to produce something worthwhile is a laudable thing.  When this desire evolves into fear of a less-than-perfect outcome, rendering us incapable of proceeding, we must take measures to fight against the voice that works to unravel our momentum.

In his journal, Ralph Waldo Emerson recorded an observation on writing that might be translated into a commentary on many different types of gifts: “The good writer seems to be writing about himself, but has his eye always on that thread of the universe which runs through himself and all things.”  Similarly, the good artist might paint his own translation of reality, but a brilliant work of art will arouse afflatus in viewers and artists across time.  An excellent composer might create a piece of music that communicates the cacophony or the gentle melody of a personal experience, yet her song may inspire many, and like Emerson’s “thread”, connects her to the rest of the world through the product of her gift.

Our gifts, whether they involve writing, painting, math, engineering, cooking, counseling, or chemistry, are bound to our personalities, spirits, and histories.  Although you aren’t the only talented poet, singer, or graphic designer, your voice, your perspective, and your style are unique.  You are in possession of something specific you must offer unto the world.  In the words of Dr. Seuss, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” So I implore you: do not let shackles of perfectionism hold you back.  Because the thread of the universe which runs through yourself and all things is part of a magnificent tapestry, and your contribution is vital.

The process of creativity is vulnerable; fear and anxiety are normal feelings attached to vulnerability, and we should never attempt to stifle our own feelings or the feelings of children we are trying to encourage.  The words, “Don’t feel that way; nobody’s perfect!” or “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself!” do not help.  Instead of undermining the very real feelings of uncertainty we face, let us endeavor to fully experience the discomfort of moving forward through the fear, enduring, pushing past the voice of perfectionism, imparting our gifts to the world at large, and contributing to the ultimate tapestry of human creativity.  Dani Shapiro, author of memoir and fiction, said, “I try to remember that the job — as well as the plight, and the unexpected joy — of the artist” (and the mathematician, chemist, teacher, aspiring astronaut, future doctor, ballet dancer, and singer) “is to embrace uncertainty, to be sharpened and honed by it. To be birthed by it. Each time we come to the end of a piece of work, we have failed as we have leapt—spectacularly, brazenly — into the unknown.”

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Jennifer is a recent addition to the IEA staff and attended Yunasa for the first time this summer. IEA’s pioneering Yunasa summer camps unite highly able youngsters with experts in the social and emotional development of gifted children. Campers explore and grow the intellectual, spiritual, emotional, social, and physical aspects of their lives.

Yunasa 2014 left me breathless – perhaps because this was my first Yunasa experience, or perhaps because Yunasa is a special and unique hub of safety, growth, and unparalleled camp-magic. The afternoon of Sunday, July 27, campers began to filter into the conference center of Camp Copneconic in Fenton, Michigan; some brows were knitted, some smiles were uncertain, some faces looked thoughtful. Several of the kids seemed to float, others skipped, many hugged with excited ferocity, quite a few squealed and jumped up and down as they spotted a friend. The older campers – deemed either EL for ‘Emerging Leader’ or CIT for ‘Counselor in Training’ – whose bonds with one another are indurate after years of Yunasa, dispersed to welcome the younger campers, show them to their rooms, and initiate ice-breaking exercises. Kids who seemed a bit apprehensive were directed to the table of Yunasa Buddies, cuddly stuffed animals donated by staff and campers meant to offer a bit of comfort throughout the week.

On the first night of camp, Newbury Honor Award winner and IEA Senior Fellow Stephanie Tolan led a group discussion on her work, Flight of the Raven, the second book in a series about four gifted youth who combine powers to save a violent, troubled world. I was immediately struck by the depth and intelligence of the conversation; the questions the campers asked were interesting and insightful. And so mature. Was I sitting in on a college literature course or was I watching a summer camp unfold?

During the rest of the week, the Fellows offered a variety of workshops about topics such as literary archetypes, the emotional life of the brain, “gifted gripes”, contemporary music, line dancing, energy healing, and soul collage – the art of assembling randomly selected pictures torn from assorted magazines into a piece that, once finished, renders an interesting reflection of the artist. Yunasa Fellow Dan Tichenor headed the Rube Goldberg team, a committed group who worked all week to create a highly complicated machine with the sole mission of turning a single page in a book. In twenty years, Dan has seen only one Rube Goldberg machine that actually fulfilled its purpose. This year, the Yunasa team succeeded! The page was turned.

Each camper was assigned to a psychosynthesis group, which was led by one of the Fellows and met each day to practice guided imagery and mind-calming techniques. Everyone also had the opportunity to participate in Heart of the Matter, a session in which groups were able to discuss the issues they have dealt with throughout the year with Dr. Patricia Gatto-Walden, IEA Senior Fellow and licensed psychologist.

Unity amongst the campers began to form on Sunday night, and by Monday, the day of the Opening Ceremony and Spirit Journey, genuine connections were becoming apparent. The solemn respect, acceptance, and love of these campers seemed to permeate the circle surrounding the campfire.

To develop their physical selves, campers participated in various high adventure activities like Creek Freak – a zipline that sends campers soaring over an expanse of rocky creek, Tower Zipline – a higher version that catapults the truly courageous from the top of an enormous tower, the Giant Swing, and a high ropes course. Some of the more leisurely activities included fishing, archery, canoeing, and Hammockville – a glorious conglomeration of trees where campers set up hammocks and relax.

Every Yunasa evening offered a special camp-wide activity. The leadership campers organized a beach party and subsequent campfire…

A movie-themed social…

And a Variety Show.

An ice cream social and the Closing Ceremony were held on the final night of camp.

In a post-camp survey, one of our fabulous leadership campers articulated, “The friendships I have made and inner confidence I have gained has made this year’s Yunasa experience totally valuable in a way that I couldn’t ever have imagined. Even though the past five Yunasas I have been to were amazing and life-changing, this one left me truly speechless.”

For me, watching these incredible kids emerge from their comfort zones to reach out, forge deep friendships, grow emotionally, and take physical risks was an inspiration and a delight.

See more photos from camp!

Learn more about Yunasa on our website.