Each year during the month of May, organizations like National Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health America, raise awareness and highlight the importance of mental health through local events, media, and health screenings. The unfortunate reality is there is a growing number of Americans who are living with mental illness or have been impacted by trauma. This, in turn, can significantly affect their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Mental health organizations, like NAMI, work to support, educate, and advocate for policies that assist children, families, and communities.

As an organization, IEA is also dedicated to serving the holistic development and needs of gifted youth by recognizing that they have important aspects of themselves, including intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, and physical. These unique facets of gifted youth must be met for them to find balance in their lives and actualize their full potential. We know that some of these young people are more vulnerable to facing social and emotional challenges that stem from being gifted and trying to navigate a world that doesn’t readily accept or understand them.

In support of National Mental Health Month and to acknowledge the importance of mental well-being among our gifted youth, we’ve compiled a list of mental health professionals and organizations who understand and have experience working with gifted families and communities.

Dr. Vula Baliotis

Licensed and SENG-certified psychologist, Dr. Vula Baliotis, is based out of the Los Angeles area and specializes in working with gifted, creative, and highly sensitive youth and their parents. She offers psychotherapy and consultation for children and parents and assessment for twice exceptionality, learning disabilities, and emotional, social, or behavioral difficulties.

Center for Connection

CFC utilizes a connection-based model that provides more comprehensive services for families, with independent professionals ranging from psychotherapy to parent education to neuropsychological assessments, from physical health and educational therapy to occupational therapy, and more.

Center for the Gifted

The Center for the Gifted, located in Philadelphia and led by Dr. Suzanne Schneider, was established in 1983 to meet the needs of gifted people of all ages. Services include counseling and psychotherapy, gifted identification, vocational interest testing and guidance, and workshops and publications focusing on the needs of the gifted population.

Child Mind Institute

The Child Mind Institute is an independent, national nonprofit dedicated to transforming the lives of children and families struggling with mental health and learning disorders. They work to deliver the highest standard of care, advance the science of the developing brain, and empower parents, professionals, and policymakers to support children when and where they need it most.

Creative Recovery Solutions

Gloria Sandford MA, LMHC specializes in Marriage and Family Therapy and has worked with a variety of issues concerning adults, children, marital issues, families, and support groups. She is a professional member and trained Parent Facilitator of and a Certified Lifespan Integration therapist.

Daimon Institute

The Daimon Institute for the Highly Gifted provides psychotherapy and educational consulting to support the overall development of exceptionally and profoundly gifted people. Located in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada, their practice implements the Integral Practice for the Gifted model which addresses all aspects of the gifted individual: intellectual, emotional, moral, spiritual, social and physical.

Gunn Psychological Services

Gunn Psychological Services is a group of professionals dedicated to providing the highest quality psychological services and referrals, including developmental, psychoeducational, and intellectual giftedness assessments, as well as individual, family, couples and group therapy.

Linda Powers-Leviton, MFT

Linda Powers-Leviton is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child therapist who specializes in counseling for the gifted. Since 1974, she has developed and taught programs to help parents and educators best reach children with learning and emotional challenges. Her expertise with the gifted population, particularly twice-exceptional youth, has prepared her to offer a unique specialized program to address the needs of this community.

Dr. Gail Post, Ph.D

As a clinical psychologist in practice for over 30 years, Dr. Post specializes in gifted adults and adolescents. Through private practice, she offers individual, couples, family and group therapy for adults and adolescents; consultation and supervision for treatment professionals; and educational consultation services for gifted children and adolescents.

Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG)

SENG is a national organization which seeks to inform gifted individuals, their families, and the professionals who work with them, about the unique social and emotional needs of gifted persons. SENG supports programs that foster in gifted individuals the mental health and social competence necessary for them to be free to choose ways to develop and express their abilities and talents fully.

Summit Center

Summit Center provides educational and psychological assessments, consultation, and treatment for children, their parents, and families. Summit works with all kids – including those who are gifted, those with learning challenges, and those who are twice-exceptional.

Terry Bradley

Terry Bradley is a gifted education consultant specializing in the social and emotional aspects of giftedness. Her services include a full-day workshop training for school personnel and mental health professionals on facilitating discussion groups for gifted K-12 students; a professional development training on the affective needs of the gifted; and a presentation for parents on what to know when raising gifted youth.

Tyler Institute

Tyler Institute provides high-quality mental health services by qualified professionals to children, adolescents, adults and families. Anne Tyler, its founder, is devoted to helping children, adolescents, families and adults work through mental health challenges in order to live up to their potential and manifest their talents and strengths in a more vibrant way in everyday life.

Dr. Patricia Gatto-Walden, Ph.D

Over the past 30 years, Dr. Patty has provided individual, couple, family, and group counseling to gifted and profoundly gifted individuals across the life span, from very young children to people in their elder years. Her therapeutic orientation is holistic with a relationship focus.

For additional resources, visit our online Gifted Resource Center (GRC) which contains an ever-growing and robust listing of over 800 resources appropriate for gifted learners from pre-k through high school.

Want to share a resource? Email GRC@educationaladvancement.org or comment below!

In today’s world, we’ve grown to expect nearly immediate results in every aspect of our lives. I, for one, have caught myself clicking repeatedly in frustration on a link when it doesn’t load within a fraction of a second. We likely all know someone who has abandoned a new health regimen within a week because they didn’t see the positive changes they were expecting. Most adolescents in developed nations are growing up not ever knowing a world where they don’t have instant access to any video, song, image or fact ever posted. These technological advances are undeniably positive in the grand scheme of things, but they also have caused us to project this expectation of instant gratification onto areas of our lives where immediacy is impossible.

That’s where grit comes into play.  Grit, which is defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals,” is necessary to overcome this tendency towards lack of patient discipline. Working in the gifted community, I interact with profoundly intelligent, creative and innovative young people on a daily basis. Many of these individuals also possess grit when they have a specific goal they are truly passionate about achieving. They will linger after class until their wind turbine turns smoothly, phrase an idea in numerous ways until their classmates understand their ingenuity, or borrow a logic puzzle to take home so they can finally solve it after hours of trying.

But how do we teach our children or students to have the tenacity to accomplish tasks they’re not as eager or well-equipped to complete? I found four big ways to encourage grit in gifted students as an educator or parent.

1. Praise children for their effort, not just the final outcome

Many gifted children are used to being recognized for their great memory or intelligence, but they may become easily frustrated when a task proves to be difficult. Encourage perseverance by applauding hard work and tenacity, not just what they produce on tasks that come easily. Additionally, you can point out this hard work and resilience to children when you see it in Olympic athletes, history lessons, book or movie characters, or friends and family members they admire.

2. Focus more on independence than perfection

It’s very tempting to intervene when a child is working through a challenging task, especially if the child is gifted and both of you are used to things coming easily to them. Instead of focusing on perfection as the ultimate goal for a task, lightly coach students in a way that allows them to be independent while still understanding that you’re there for help and encouragement if needed. Perfectionism is common in gifted students so this can be a tough, but healthy, transition to make.

3. Empathize and teach self-encouragement

Try to show your child or student how to encourage themselves without disregarding their emotions. After what may seem to them like a failure, say something like, “You might be feeling disappointed, but you should feel really proud of yourself for trying your best. When you’re ready, let’s try again!” Because gifted children often feel different from their peers, knowing someone is able to understand their emotions can work wonders for their self-esteem. Eventually, they’ll be able to recognize their own emotions with clarity and then encourage themselves through trials.

4. Model positivity and resilience in your own life

Most children, but especially gifted children, absorb and reflect the behaviors they see in the adults around them. Because of this, stay away from making self-disparaging comments about yourself in front of children and, instead, talk openly about your mistakes and how you recover from them. Not only will this help the children watching you avoid developing a negative self-image or fear of failure, but it will have positive impact on your own well-being! Your ability to model this trait and make it relevant in the lives of children will show them how to lessen their fear of failure in the short-term while still striving for success in the long-term.

What suggestions do you have for teaching gifted children grit?

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201506/12-ways-raise-competent-confident-child-grit

http://www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/social-emotional-skills/power-defeat-how-to-raise-kid-grit

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The tendency to be a perfectionist is within all of us. As I start writing this blog, I find myself typing and deleting, starring at the screen trying to brainstorm the perfect sentence to write. Perfect sentence to write? That sounds oxymoronic!

Perfectionism is often branded as a positive stereotype, whereas if a person is a perfectionist, he or she must already mastered their school/work, they are going above and beyond and do not require additional help – much like the positive stereotypes associated with the needs of a gifted student.

Perfectionism is defined as the disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. When in reality being perfect is just a myth, people who struggle with perfectionism are left with doubts and unacceptability. Perfectionists often experience self-criticism, anxiety, and isolation, which can lead to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and sometimes depression.

Gifted children – who exhibit competitive qualities, highly self-critical, and have a high standard for excellence – are prone to struggle with perfectionism. They crave the perfect feedback from their teachers and parents; they take great pride in being known by their peers as the person who knows the answer to everything; they believe, based on their experience, that learning should always come easy; and they are good at anticipating expectations and try to live their lives by the approval of others.

Perfectionism manifests itself in multiple ways, and the struggle can be a lifelong challenge. It is important to recognize the debilitating qualities of this trait, but trying to manage it or even overcome it, is certainly possible.

These are some of the techniques people have shared:

1. Value the journey

In so many cases, people put a tremendous amount of effort working toward their goal. Just because you fall short of your own expectations, does not mean you did not learn anything or you are a failure. The lessons and skills you learned along the way are valuable and can be applied to other tasks in the future.

Take exercising for example. It is one of the best ways to give value to progress. You may not be able to run a marathon in one week, but every time you run, you can feel the muscle ache and know that you are getting ever-so-closer to your goal. The end does not justify the means. The journey matters.

2. Meditate

Meditation is a great opportunity to catch up with your thoughts and regulate imagination. Rather than allowing your imagination to conjure the worst possible outcomes when you feel you have let yourself or other people down, take a mental “time out” and meditate. Meditation increases sensory awareness, and helps with self-regulation. It is a moment to practice leaving behind self-doubt and judgement to just focus on the power of now.

3. Practice self-compassion

When you feel overwhelmed with intense emotional stimuli, take a moment to practice breathing, and relive your favorite moment of the day. Take pride in small achievements of the day – did you make your bed this morning? What acts of self-care did you do? Asking positive mindset oriented questions can shift your mental state and lift you out of the dark place. Fill in the blank and remind yourself that “I am worthy of___.” No one is best at everything, all the time. Recognizing your potential and allowing yourself to learn from mistakes is a great way to practice self-compassion.

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Overthinking. The irony in writing about this topic is that I kept overthinking it. What direction should I take? What tips should I offer? Where can I find the best research? What if my post doesn’t hold up against the others?

Overthinking, along with its siblings perfectionism and anxiety, is common in gifted kids. Psychology Today attributes this in part to overexcitabilities and the mind not being able to ever really turn off. Gifted kids also tend to have lots of channels in their brains, meaning more information to mull over and think about, easily leading to overthinking.

As a chronic overthinker, I wanted to explore the reasons behind overthinking, how it can hurt and what we can do to rein it in.

Why do we overthink?

Why does this happen in the first place? Why do our brains run wild? In an article published in Scientific American Mind entitled “Why We Worry,” science writer Victoria Stern did a deep dive into the causes behind chronic overthinking. In summary: it’s all about control.

“Chronic worriers operate under the misperception that their overthinking and attempts at controlling every situation allow them to problem-solve and plan for the future,” said Stern. “Instead their thought pattern hinders cognitive processing and also causes overstimulation of emotion- and fear-processing areas in the brain.”

Overthinking and worrying trick our brains into believing that we are preparing for any situation, that we can handle any outcome, positive or negative. In reality, while this may work in the short-term, it ultimately harms us.

Dr. Michael Stein, a psychologist based in Denver, attributes worry and overthinking to a fear of being uncertain about the future. When we experience this fear our brain jumps into “analysis mode” and starts beginning to prepare and think over every outcome. This thinking ignites our minds and creates a temporary comfort to deal with uncertainty.

The Problem of Overthinking

In addition to driving us bonkers, overthinking has negative effects on our mental and physical health.

A study from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology noted that overthinking can cause us to dwell on our mistakes and shortcomings, increasing the risk of mental health problems.  This can often cause the overthinker to fall into a viscous cycle of ruminating more and more while their mental health is declining.

Unsurprisingly, overthinking can also lead to emotional distress. To self-treat that distress, some overthinkiners resort to unhealthy coping strategies, like alcohol, food or addictive substances. It can also lead to a negative mood, anger and irritability. Overthinking can have physical effects, as well. Studies have linked overthinking to poor sleep quality, since the mind often won’t turn off even for sleep. It can also lead to an increased heart rate and other physical symptoms of stress.

How Do We Stop?

If only I knew! Breaking the habit of overthinking is difficult, but here are some strategies you can try.

• Take Action
  If you are a chronic overthinker, you probably have a tendency to get stuck in the “analysis” phase of a situation. Taking an initial step to solve the problem, even if it’s small, can help bust the overthinking cycle. For example, if you are overthinking about applying to college, start drafting an essay or working on your resume or even filling out a practice application. The act of doing something can get you out of your thoughts.
• Mindfulness
  Mindfulness takes practice, but has many benefits, especially for overthinkers. This meditation practice emphasizes focusing on the present moment, not the future or the past, which can help us disconnect from worry. Mindfulness has known to be beneficial for the gifted in calming intensities. Try bookending your practice with a quick calming yoga routine.
• Busy Yourself
  Sometimes simply redirecting your attention can do the trick to calm a busy mind. Absorb yourself in a hobby, whether that be exercise, crafting or playing with your family. Or get some household chores done to engage your attention elsewhere. Even getting lost in a book or movie (especially if it’s theme is disconnected from your worries) can help.
• Rename Your Thoughts
  Rename your thoughts with what they really are: self-doubt, anxiety, fear. This may help you to realize how much you are exaggerating your negative thoughts and bring your thinking down a level to really focus on the actual problem at hand.

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This post is part of the Hoagies’ Gifted Blog Hop: Overthinking. Please click the image below to keep on hopping!

It’s a scientific fact that 20% of the population is born with a gene that allows them to “process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly” than other people do.  We also know that a common thread that runs among gifted people is their ability to understand the world more deeply and thoroughly than others, a trait that is simply sensitivity by another name.  Unfortunately, our society tends to view sensitive children as “weak” or prissy in many ways.

This mis-categorization ignores the fact that highly sensitive people are often highly successful people, specifically because of their creative and perceptive temperament.  Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr., Steve Martin, Robert Frost, Frank Lloyd Wright, Mozart and Elton John are all highly sensitive.

Highly sensitive people have a number of very sought-after traits, including soaring creativity, intense focus, careful conscientiousness, empathetic kindness, and the ability to understand the world around them very deeply.

TYPICAL SIGNS of SENSITIVITY

Summarized from Dr. Elaine Aron, a leading research scientist in the field of high sensitivity

• Processes things deeply. Thinks long and hard about things. Very concientious and can be slow to answer quesions.  Generally responds with accurate, unusual, or creative ideas.

• Overstimulated very easily.  Doesn’t handle time pressure or deadlines well.  Don’t rush them!  Group work is unpleasant for them; they prefer a quiet space to think.  Noise is distracting, and chaotic situations are a nightmare.  Needs lots of personal space and downtime.

• Reacts emotionally.  Takes criticism very personally.  Cries easily, even if feedback is kind and positive.  Has tremendous empathy for others, and tends to worry how others are doing.  Will make a point to give direct and positive feedback to others.

• Aware of subtleties.  Notices very small differences in surroundings, including minor rearranging, changes to lighting or smells.  Reads people in a similar way; almost seems to be a mind-reader.

BENEFITS OF BEING SENSITIVE

• We are more creative.  Brainstorming takes introspection, and the process of combining and editing ideas requires solitude.  The sensitive or introverted person is ideally situated to take his deep experience of the world, quietly turn it over in his brain until it blooms into an explosion of new ideas, then shape it into a workable solution.

• We have an exuberant and lavish inner life.  We are vivid dreamers and daydreamers, we have inventive imaginations, and we recall memories in great detail. We are happy to spend time contemplating instead of acting, which helps us see connections between important things, which makes us smarter.

• We are more emotionally aware. Emotional intelligence, or the ability to recognize our own emotions as well as those of others, is a significant indicator of success in relationships and in the workplace.  People with high emotional intelligence are better decision-makers, better problem-solvers, and enjoy more fulfilling relationships.

• We’re really hardworking.  Some might call us perfectionists, but we aren’t happy until things are clean, organized and RIGHT. That makes us favored students, esteemed colleagues, and excellent managers. We are also careful and conscientious, which again is a strong marker of success in life. We’re also really good at noticing small errors.

• We notice more sensory detail. The world is full of amazing things, and we can see them all. Whether it’s gorgeous artwork, or the scent of an amazing meal, or the indulgent softness of a favorite blanket, sensitive people experience the world around them more deeply, and as a result can derive more happiness from beautiful things than other people can.

• We feel emotion physically. Instead of simply hearing and enjoying music, we literally get goosebumps from beautiful lyrics or harmonies.  Hugs become physical healers, and holding hands produces a flow of energy that we can almost see.  It’s a wonderful way to experience life deeply.

• We understand nuances in meaning. Highly sensitive people can read other people like a book.  Micro-differences in facial expressions or vocal timbre tell us volumes about the validity and real meaning behind what other people are telling us.  This gives us an advantage, in that it is much harder to fool or cheat us.  We recognize inauthentic people and can avoid them, and we have additional information at our disposal that we can use to make important decisions.

• We have superhuman intuition. Our gut instincts are spot-on, which can save us from a lot of heartbreak and hassle.  It’s like having six senses instead of five!

• We have greater empathy. We can sense emotion in other people, and that makes us great friends, teachers and parents.  We act out of a deep sense of understanding for where another person is coming from, and are more likely to do exactly the right thing.

• We are incredibly compassionate.  We have a sincere need to support, guide and comfort others, and it makes us very useful, as well as appreciated.

• We are awesome partners.  We are great listeners, we’re kind and thoughtful, and we naturally want to help people.  How many girls do you know who are dreaming of a boyfriend who is self-centered, oblivious and aggressive?  None.  YOU are the ultimate boyfriend!

• We experience love very deeply.  Because we understand the ones we love so well, and because we naturally tend to want to make other people happy, we form very strong bonds of love.  This love is reflected back to us, as our parents, children and partners appreciate what we give to them, and want to make us as happy as we make them. It’s a blessing to be able to be surrounded by such deep love.

DIFFICULTIES OF BEING SENSITIVE 

• Boys aren’t supposed to be sensitive.  Our society still perpetuates the misguided notion that men and boys should be tough, stoic, aggressive and hardy.  To be otherwise is to be labeled weak, or fussy, or feminine.

• We can mistakenly feel that there is something wrong with us. Because only 15 – 20% of the population is highly sensitive, we may not know many people in our orbit who are like us. Between the messages society sends us about the importance of extroverted behavior, and our own tendency to analyze input from other people very carefully, we may conclude that we are abnormal or even damaged. This is catastrophic for our self-esteem.

• We are often misunderstood. We may be labeled “over-sensitive” or “over-dramatic” by people who don’t realize how deeply we feel, because it’s not their reality.  If we are introverts (80% of sensitive people are) we may be deemed reclusive or standoffish; if we are empaths we may be labeled histrionic or attention-seekers.

• We are susceptible to getting stuck in relationships with toxic people.  Narcissists in particular are drawn to sensitive people because we give them the focused care and attention they crave, and are less likely to break off an unbalanced relationship because our natural perfectionism, work ethic, and tendency to see the best in people lead us to conclude that if WE just work a little harder, things will turn around. We are often in danger of giving more than we receive.

• We need more time alone to decompress. Space to breathe and let go of the stresses that we have internalized is essential to our well-being, but our modern lifestyle can make it impossible to find enough time to take care of ourselves.  In addition, the desire for solitude can be misinterpreted as anti-social behavior.

• Anxiety can present itself as real physical ailments. Because we internalize so much emotion from the world around us, our bodies can reach the limit of what they can hold.  Stress and anxiety can display themselves as stomach aches, IBS, muscle aches, fibromyalgia, migraines, and more.

• Sensitive people absorb negative emotions from others. This can happen just by being in the same room as people who are arguing or crying, or even by watching emotionally broken people on television or in the movies.  We not only notice and are uncomfortable watching other people get upset (or embarrassed), but we FEEL what they feel, despite clearly understanding that whatever is happening is not happening to us.

• There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Sensitive people take feedback as a personal judgment.  Because we are programmed to want to do things well (we can be perfectionists) and receive approval, we are very hurt when someone points out a mistake we made.

• Sensitivity can really get out of hand.  “Emotional Snowballing” may occur in stressful situations, where the emotional response increases to a level disproportionate to the events at hand. Popular situations (such as crowded public events) can become overwhelming, and result in a dire need to escape to somewhere quiet and peaceful.

This post originally appeared on Raising Wizards; it has been reposted with permission.

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Whether we believe it or not, Spring has sprung. Often, we think of new growth, new life, and renewal, but spring can also hold an underpinning of grief and loss. As soon as the weather warms and the sun shines longer, we begin to speak of summer plans, the end of the school year, graduations. While all of these things are fantastic, they also signify loss. And every loss needs to be grieved. Like many things, these losses can feel bigger and more complicated for our gifted kids, which begs the question: how can we help our gifted kids navigate loss?

Recognize that gifted kids can grieve many losses, not just deaths. In truth, all of us grieve many things: a change in a job, moving, the end of a relationship, the end of a sport’s season.  Grief is a part of life. Due to the intense natures of many of our gifted kids, they can grieve even more things than we would ever imagine. They can grieve growing out of their favorite shirt, a change in their parent’s work schedule, the realization that superheroes are fictional (at least until one of our gifted kids develops an injectable serum that actually changes humans into web-slinging, partial spiders). What feels like a loss to your child, is a loss. It can be easy to minimize these losses from our adult viewpoints, but the loss is real to them. Allow them to grieve it.

Recognize that grief is crazy-making for anyone, and intensely crazy-making for intense kids. One of my favorite frameworks of grief, from the book, The Journey Through Grief and Loss, describes it in 3 phases, the second of which he labels “the second storm”. Such a perfect description of the twisting, turning, disheveling, intense emotions that crash into you when you’re in this phase of grief. Of course, depending on the degree of the loss, the intensity of this second storm varies, but know that anger, sadness, despair, anxiety, numbness, physical illness, fatigue, fear are all normal. It can feel like you’re being tossed around from one moment to the next. Our gifted kids can feel this especially intensely. Allow them to. Expect behaviors to be tumultuous, at best, as they move through grief. Remember that a child or teen’s behavior is a form of communication. Figure out what they are trying to communicate. Validate that they feel crazy.

Give hope. Validate that they feel crazy, but provide them with the hope and assurance that it is temporary. They aren’t actually crazy; they’re grieving. At some point this loss won’t feel as big as it does right now. Let them feel it, but also let them know they won’t be stuck in the storm forever.

Gifted kids will understand grief differently than other kids. Shortly after my dad died, my oldest son, who was barely 7 at the time, appeared particularly sad one night. He said, “I just feel so bad for Grandma Farm. She’s lost 4 of her kids and 2 husbands. She must be so sad.” Gifted kids are going to be able to see the impact on a broader scope than more typically wired kids.  Allow space for them to grieve that, too.

Gifted kids’ grief might not last on the timeframe you’d expect. I’ve worked with several gifted kids who have broken down in raw, sobbing grief when talking about their pet who had died years and years before. Allow them to feel it. Grief has its own time table, which will be different for each person. Sometimes it will seem longer than you think it should and sometimes it will seem shorter than you’d expect. Kids often grieve on a quicker schedule, but then re-grieve as they hit a new developmental stage and the loss and change takes on new meaning.

Help your child find a way to do something with their grief. Rituals are fantastically helpful. Every year on my dad’s birthday we get him birthday balloons. Have a special end-of-the-school-year picnic. Have a special place where you stop and pick up an ice cream cone on the way home from summer camp each summer. Anything that creates tradition and space to honor the loss will help your child move through it

Be open and expressive with your own grief. We often want to protect our kids from pain, but if they don’t learn how to grieve from us, how are they going to learn it? Grief is a part of life.  Sometimes a part of daily life. It’s ok to show our own emotions. It models to our kids how to move through grief. It gives them permission to grieve openly. I was an emotional hurricane when my dad died. I will be an emotional hurricane when my kids near graduation and head off for parts unknown. It’s helpful for them to see that.

Reassure them that they will always be taken care of. In the midst of the hurricane, kids still need to know that they are safe and will be ok. Reassure them that even if you are being emotionally tossed around in the storm, you’ll make sure they will be looked after. And you will be fine too.

And the best way to help your child navigate loss? Help yourself, first. Take care of yourself. Show them how to grieve well. If you aren’t filled up, you can’t possibly help someone else. You will all get through these losses, and you’ll probably end up more resilient on the other side.

Heather is a therapist, writer, and speaker with Boorman Counseling by day, and mom to 3 “fringy kids” by night.  She and her husband provide REAL support to parents who love a differently wired child (gifted, 2e, ASD, SPD, ADHD, etc) through their podcast, blog, and online community, The Fringy Bit. Visit her at www.thefringybit.com or www.boormancounseling.com 

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March Madness in almost here, making college basketball top-of-mind. And so I perked up at last week’s California Association for the Gifted Conference when Dr. Sandra Kaplan mentioned that UCLA’s basketball team takes ballet classes. This caused me to sit up and think. Any young woman or man playing on a Division I basketball team is a gifted athlete. But ballet?

Well, yes, ballet. There is a lot of fancy footwork going on down below while basketball players are busy dribbling, passing, shooting and dunking.  Watching the Lehigh versus Bucknell Patriot League Conference Tournament Championship game, and looking only below the knees, I saw dance. Pirouettes, jetés, leaps, and the occasional third and fourth position were all there. Lehigh’s Tim Kempton (6’10”, 245 pounds, 20.4 PPG) would make a wonderful Rat King in The Nutcracker.

This all begs a few questions. Can an art inform a sport? Can sport inform an art? Can students advance in one field because they explored another? By combining unrelated fields, will our gifted scholar-athletes create a greater exceptionality? And what does this mean for us?

I am an independent college counselor, often working with gifted students as they apply for college. (I am also an IEA mother and consultant.) Some families consult with me when their students are just entering high school, so I see exciteabilities develop over the course of four years. Before taking on Dr. Kaplan’s question, I knew, but I didn’t comprehend, how ballet made for better basketball. My happiest students have been telling me for years that they like it when they mix things up, when obvious skills and interests become companion to less obvious skills and interests. Reflecting back, I see that those students who intellectualize their giftedness were among my most joyful.  Here are some first hand examples.

My first inkling this was happening came fifteen years ago, from a Mentor supervising five high-school-aged IEA Apprentices in a material science research lab. (IEA’s Apprenticeship Program has evolved into the EXPLORE Program, both outstanding.) These Apprentices were similar in lab skills and science understanding. One stood out, however, because of his English skills. Specifically, he could more quickly tease out ideas shared in conversation, read manuals and reports in and out of context, and clearly stated questions that moved ideas forward. Early on, he became the student leader because everyone in the lab understood him. He is now a very successful computer scientist. (And an aside: research labs are often home to scientists from around the world and of many languages, so clarity of communication makes for better science.)

I’ve had many students with exceptional mathematical abilities, and their stories speak directly to drawing energy from unusual sources. Four of them were quite upfront that their love of math was fueled outside of math classes. One, a Berkeley graduate, said that creative writing relaxed her into a feeling of bliss, and then, without any notes, she would imagine the answers to her problem sets. Another, now a math major at Reed, described how her remarkable sophomore year English teacher inspired her, through close textual reading, to consider multiple approaches to any problem. A UC San Diego math major told me he feels strongly that poetry and math are the same subject–economy of ideas—and so he approaches them in tandem. And another student, bound for college in 2018, craves playing golf every day because it is so much fun to watch parabolas on the fairway.

And it’s not just my mathematicians. One student, a Harvard graduate, became a better Russian language student when she started playing the piano every day. A current Berkeley undergraduate understands literature more deeply on days when she sees poor immigrants walk into traffic to sell flowers. One of my favorite students this year keeps finding ideas for prosthetic designs watching movies that are not about prosthetics. One young man, Cal Tech bound, described how ideas come while he paints. If he didn’t paint, would he have these ideas?

Lastly, and saluting March Madness, I have worked with both a semi-professional dancer, and a winning basketball player. My dancer, on History: “Yep, the world has always been all about ebb and flow.” And my basketball player thinks his internship in a research university’s chemistry lab is less akin to science classes and more like passing just outside the paint: “The graduate students throw ideas around faster than a good offense, so I’m still hustling to keep my eye on the ball.”

Our students give us their giftedness; our efforts should include enabling their intellectualism. The UCLA coach who first enrolled the basketball team in ballet is now a personal role model. Dr. Kaplan’s workshop, “Giftedness versus Intellectualism,” has prompted me to think of ways to help my students identify and encourage the productive combinations in their lives.

For me, as an independent college counselor, that means more time listening and waiting for the student to share enough so that I can ask more direct questions. For a gifted student, who feels his or her exciteabilities more strongly, working at this intersection is key. Within my niche in their lives, answers to those questions make for powerful application essays.

Sometimes we talk about nurturing a gifted student’s spirituality. For me, the mere though was daunting, so I stayed away. It is easy to get tripped up here because many of us equate “spirituality” with “religion.” But that was never gifted educators’ intention—instead, it is something wholly interior, unseen, and a powerful animator. Perhaps a mathematician’s spirituality lies in poetry.

Kate Duey is a private college counselor serving gifted students. She has worked with students who are age-mates with their graduating high school class, home schooled students, community college students, and students seeking accelerated or early college entrance. Kate is a graduate of Harvard College and Harvard Business School. She has a Certificate in College Counseling from UCLA. She also has three incredible daughters.

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How do you manage your emotions and your sensitivities while raising your super intense super smart children? How do you raise your children without unconsciously repeating the patterns set down by your own parents?

I’m guessing that you think about this a lot. Especially at 3am when you’re desperately trying to sleep. Or when you hear your mother’s criticism spewing out of your own mouth directed at your 4-year-old. Or when you notice your father’s rage lurking behind your eyes.

Living with rainforest-minded kids when you yourself have those same traits can be overwhelming and even a tad frightening. All of that energy and sensitivity roiling around. All of your kids’ questions, curiosities and meltdowns flying hither and thither. Not to mention the less-than-ideal parenting you may have received. Or the judgment from other parents who think you have it easy. Or the judgment from yourself that you aren’t the perfect parent. That’s a lot to handle.

Let me give you a hug right now. For starters. You are not alone. This is not easy. Hug.

Here are some thoughts:

1. There’s a lot of empathy for you online from parents who are right there with you. You can read their experiences, guidance and resources here and here. Read a sampling of their blogs and bookmark your favorites. There’s also a psychologist online who has raised gifted kids. Find her blog here.
2. Make a list of ways to soothe yourself, to relax, and to find nourishment. Then DO THEM. Your kids will benefit. You know this but you still don’t do it. Am I right? Remind yourself that your self-care will be good modeling for your kids. When you feel guilty, tell yourself that you’re doing it for your them.
3. When you lose your cool, which you will, apologize. Your children will not be damaged irrevocably when you blow it. The apology allows your children to see that they don’t have to be perfect and that they can apologize when they’re not perfect. Imagine how your life would be different if your parents had apologized to you for their mistakes.
4. When it comes to not repeating the patterns of your parents, well, it’s complicated. And depending on how dysfunctional things were, it can feel overwhelming or impossible. As you can imagine, there’s no quick fix. But you can change the patterns. You probably already have to some extent. Of course, you know I’m going to recommend good therapy if you were raised with any kind of abuse. That said, there are many creative self-help tools for you to explore. Some are: Seena Frost’s Soul Collage, journaling, yoga and other body therapies, mindfulness techniques, making art/ playing music, spiritual practices, and treks into nature.
5. To get coaching support for your giftedness and to find like-minded adults, join this growing international community.
6. And, finally, read my book! Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth to be released mid-June 2016. Along with untangling the complexities of the rainforest mind, I describe client cases from my counseling practice and explain how we addressed both their childhood issues and their giftedness. There are many self-help strategies and resources included. Buy copies for your therapist, relatives, kids, teachers, neighbors, physician, ex-partner, mail carrier and anyone else who might need help understanding you.

This post originally appeared on Your Rainforest Mind and has been reprinted with permission.

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The holidays are a stressful time for everyone, but can be even more so for families with gifted children. Between intensities, veering from normal routines and the challenge of gift-giving, it’s enough to stress out even the most patient caregiver.  Below are some helpful posts from gifted bloggers and organizations to help this season be peaceful and enjoyable.

Holiday stress: What parents of gifted children need to know
Licensed Psychologist Gail Post, Ph.D. shares practical tips on how parents can help gifted children, and themselves, handle their unique stressors around the holidays. Tips include setting realistic expectations and taking time for yourself as a parent to decompress.

Parenting Gifted Children Through the Holidays
More practical tips for parents, this time from a fellow parent of three gifted children, published by Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG). The author focuses on parents of children with intensities.

Managing Your Child’s Intensity During the Holidays
An enjoyable and honest guide about managing intensities from gifted parenting blogger Raising Lifelong Learners. The author includes some much-needed encouragement to parents at the end.

‘Tis the Season to be…Anxious?
Written from the perspective of a parent, this post from Gifted-Ed Connections is a short reflection on parental anxiety and how that translates to the holiday season. An encouraging short read for anxious parents.

Holidays with the Quirky
Adventures of Hahn Academy shares some of the “quirky” gifts her gifted son has requested throughout the years. The post includes a list of her son’s favorite past gifts, which may be helpful to anyone searching for a last minute Christmas gift for the gifted child in their life.

A Recipe for a Peaceful Holiday Season
More practical tips from SENG, this time from a therapist specializing in gifted children, who is a mother of the gifted herself. A nice reminder not to forget the simple things, like sleep and maintaining eating habits, in a busy season.

Surviving the Holidays with a House Full of Gifted Folks
Finally, a post from the IEA archive on managing the intensities of multiple gifted individuals. The post includes advice for both hosts and guests on how to have a peaceful holiday season.

What are your favorite tips for managing the holiday stress?

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Many gifted children are profoundly empathetic and often feel helpless when they ponder the lives of homeless people, refugees, families who lack food and water, and other vulnerable populations. I know a child who cries every time he sees a person on the streets – he wants to help all of them, and he feels pain when he can’t. I have read countless Yunasa applications in which campers discuss how they would help certain people groups across the world if they could. Some of these children experience actual depression when they feel the weight of their own helplessness amid so much pain.

In the wake of the election, I wonder how these deeply sensitive children are faring. As we teach our children about kindness, acceptance, and compassion, it must feel confusing when some of America’s leaders exhibit contradictory values. As an adult, I have been searching for ways to channel my own frustration.

When our leaders make decisions with which our children disagree, I encourage them to call their representatives. This is a small act that provides them with a voice. You can work with them to devise a succinct and heartfelt script and sit with them while they make the calls. To find the appropriate representatives, follow this link.

How can we empower our children further by helping them enact actual change? How can we show them that a little bit of love and effort actually makes a difference for the vulnerable populations who need help? We start at the base of Maslow’s Pyramid and meet a basic physiological need for a few families.

Clean water is the most fundamental human need, yet a staggering 660 million people do not have access to it. Additionally, only 67% of the world lives with proper sanitation. Children are exposed to disease; women and children are forced to walk hours every day to procure a small amount of dirty water for their families.

Clean water affects more than physical health:

• Providing clean water advances education: children with access to clean water are healthier and they have more time to attend class. Girls are more likely to stay in school when the buildings offer safe and sanitary bathrooms.
• Providing clean water helps women: women who do not spend their days lugging water can pursue careers, time with family, education, and other fulfilling endeavors that would have otherwise been unavailable to them.
• Providing clean water helps psychological health: when our minds are focused solely on survival, we are unable to tend to relationships or personal growth.
• Providing clean water helps to break the poverty cycle: clean water affects food production and the ability for many people to work.

The individuals of The Liturgists podcast have set up a way for us all to raise money to help families across the world receive the clean water they need. All of us, adults and children alike, can pledge our birthdays by asking friends and family to donate to an incredible nonprofit called charity: water rather than buying presents. Over 85,000 have joined this campaign, and together, they have raised $9 million to bring clean water to people in need in Africa, Asia, Central and South America. Every dollar we donate is used to fund water projects, and charity: water tracks donations with photos and GPS coordinates. Sustainability is crucial, and charity: water tends to the wells they build to ensure their water projects remain effective over time.

Follow this link to help your children pledge their birthdays to raise money for clean water. Birthday campaigns average $770 in donations, allowing charity: water to help 38 people.

I offer this encouragement for myself and for all of you: There will always be suffering, and sometimes empathy feels like a weight or a swirling sensation in the gut. We must never stop doing good. When our leaders disappoint us, we must never stop speaking up.

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