Distance learning for many parents and students is a new concept and can be challenging. This year parents will have to be more involved than ever in being a teaching partner. Students will need to stay focused and engaged and parents may need some tools and ideas on how to accomplish this!

Here are some tips and tools from various resources:

1. Synchronous and Asynchronous Learning. Your child’s school may be providing both a synchronous (real time) learning, in which the student must sign in and attend the online class as scheduled and presented by the teacher; and asynchronous, which includes learning through various resources available to the student on-demand. For some students and parents, it can be helpful to have time scheduled at the same time each day/week for asynchronous schoolwork so it becomes a routine.
2. Calendar. Having a visual calendar and digital calendar is extremely helpful. Download your school’s calendar. A teacher suggested color coding the classes, e.g., green = geometry, blue = English. Another parent uses the Kanban system at work and implemented it at home using a white board and stickies. Have a daily family check-in meeting to establish what the big-ticket items of the day are and a weekly Sunday night check-in to review the week.
3. Transition Times. Children thrive with routine and structure to stay focused. It also provides a sense of comfort and security. Make sure that your child transitions from bed to the study place; getting ready in the morning as if they are preparing to go to school. Breaks are very important too. Observe your child to find out if they need a break from the computer screen. For young children, set up some time for independent play, or encourage some type of movement activity. And according to education theories, having different locations for different classes helps write the information into the brain.
4. Expectations. Check your child’s courses and assignments, this should be accessible from your child’s school. Check in periodically to update the calendar or transfer important information. How much time should students spend during online learning? How much interaction is provided during synchronous learning? How does your child typically learn? Communicate with your child’s teacher about their learning style so that the teacher has clearer understanding and expectations.
5. Stuck? Reach out to the teacher, other parents or students. Set up email alerts for important notifications such as project and assignment due dates. Set your child’s phone to “Do Not Disturb” during class time. Break down to-do lists in small steps. Try the Pomodoro Method. If all else fails, communicate with the teacher and don’t wait until your child is falling behind!

How do you or your child stay organized? Do you have suggestions?

For additional resources:

Parent Tips and Tricks for Distance Learning: https://www.commonsense.org/education/articles/parent-tips-and-tricks-for-distance-learning

Photo by Julia M Cameron from Pexels.

As the COVID-19 pandemic has developed over the last couple of weeks, I have been struck by my own attachments to simple comforts and small routines – they make me feel safe, and when the grocery stores started feeling post-apocalyptic, I began to feel my sense of safety diminish. I realize that my experience of the pandemic is an incredibly privileged one; many people in our community have not only experienced a shift in routine – their lives have been upended. Some have lost jobs; some are struggling to feed their children, who usually eat breakfast and lunch at school; some are struggling to work full-time from home while trying to navigate emergency homeschooling; and some have gotten very, very sick or lost loved ones to the virus.

Whatever your experience has been during this time, I know that a loss of routine can feel foreboding. Children rely on their routines for their own sense of stability, and while transitions are difficult for all of us, they are especially unsettling and scary for children. Even a transition as simple as shifting from park time to get-in-the-car time can yield a reaction so intense that you might feel compelled to hide behind the twisty slide until the volcano in the middle of the wood chips ceases its erupting.

Gifted children experience a heightened awareness that is “qualitatively different from the norm,” (Columbus Group), and your child’s response to a shift in routine (no matter how slight the shift may seem) might manifest as intense anxiety, stomach aches, outbursts, reclusiveness, or all of the above, even if this extra time spent together has felt like a gift. My own child sat in the middle of the sidewalk during her scooter ride yesterday and wailed, WAILED, because a chirping bird in a tree, whom she had named “Baby Tweetie” did not come down to play with her. I was baffled. I thought the moment would pass quickly, but she cried about Baby Tweetie for hours: “BAAABY TWEEEEETIE! I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES MEEEEE!” Her routine hasn’t shifted as dramatically as others’ have, but she is one of the most social people I know, and not playing with friends every day has been difficult for her. She longs for connection, and she was full of despair when her friend Baby Tweetie couldn’t offer it to her.

During my time working with Yunasa campers, I noticed that many gifted children feel intense anxiety relating to their perceived inability to affect change in a world of suffering. Younger kids might feel anxiety pertaining to their inability to affect change in their own, much smaller worlds. And when their lives have seemingly turned upside down, when their stabilizing routines have vanished, that anxiety might feel really big.

As we craft new routines during this time of transition, we might also provide tools for our kids to affect change in little ways.  As I read Peace is an Offering by Annete LeBox to my daughters today, it occurred to me that it is completely within our power to spread peace right now, and we can empower our kids to do the same. What is peace, exactly? I think it is a sense of serenity, a feeling of acceptance, a knowing that we are ok, even when things are crumbling around us. We might experience peace as our anxieties calm down, our anger subsides, or our feelings of restlessness diminish. And as we work to spread peace in our little worlds (or in the world at large), we experience a greater measure of peace, too.

“Peace is an offering. A muffin or a peach. A birthday invitation. A trip to the beach. Peace is gratitude for simple things. Light through a leaf, a dragonfly’s wings. A kiss on the cheek, raindrops and dew. A walk in the park, a bowl of hot stew.”

We spread peace by putting forth little offerings of grace and kindness into our communities. We keep our eyes open and meet needs where we can. We remain attentive, looking for beauty everywhere.

“Peace is holding on to another. Peace is the words you say to a brother. Will you stay with me? Will you be my friend? Will you listen to my story till the very end?”

We help others experience peace when we offer them our presence and attention.

“And even in the wake of tragedy, even then, you might find her. In the rubble of a fallen tower. In the sorrow of your darkest hour. In the hat of a hero. In the loss of a friend.”

Peace can coexist with sorrow and turmoil.

“So offer a cookie, walk away from a fight. Comfort a friend through the long, dark night.” Sing a quiet song. Catch a falling star.”

I think this book is saying that peace is something we can all work to spread. It is something that each of us can offer. When we find needs and meet them, when offer kindness, when we provide our undivided presence (from a safe distance, of course), we are affecting change.

This week, someone sent me flowers for no reason, my neighbor offered to drop off lemon turmeric cake, and my daughter’s cousin sent her a postcard. All of these little offerings helped to spread peace because they got me thinking how we could spread some love too. And if this trajectory continues, peace ought to spread even as the coronavirus continues to disrupt our lives and harm people we love. These are tangible tools we can offer our children, who might be feeling especially powerless and uncertain: 1. Let’s find a need and meet it. 2. Let’s send someone something that will make them feel special. 3. Let’s offer each other our complete attention. 4. Let’s find beauty in every corner of our lives. 5. Let’s provide comfort for someone who is hurting.

“Sing a quiet song. Catch a falling star. May peace walk beside you wherever you are.”

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The nation’s children are headed back into the classroom as the 2019-2020 school year gets underway! New beginnings can be a grab bag of emotions. Excitement, fear, anticipation – going back to school is not for the faint of heart. Here are some ideas to help ease the way into new beginnings.

Setting the Scene

An early visit to a new classroom can help relieve anxiety.  If your child’s school is hosting an Open House or back to school event, attending can create a sense of comfort and familiarity.  If this is not possible, discuss with your child what they can expect. Compare the new experience to something familiar: “Your classroom might be like the one we went to last year at your brother’s report card night.”

Building Confidence

Even if your child is excited about the beginning of school, they may also have concerns.  Speaking positively about the transition can go a long way to reducing fear.  Remind your child of a successful time they were in a new environment: “I remember how you made friends with Amy at the picnic when you did not know her.”

Establishing Routine

In the morning rush of everyone getting ready for school or work, small things may get overlooked. An established morning routine is helpful: backpack, lunch (don’t forget utensils), review of afternoon plans and most importantly, goodbyes. Goodbyes can serve as a punctuation to the morning routine and help transitions.

Transitions Take Time

New activities are stressful. At the beginning of the year, teachers work hard to establish a routine and provide students with guidelines and expectations.  The structure of predictable routines both at home and school reduce anxiety. Just a few minutes with your child at the end of the day to let them tell you how things went will go a long way in back-to-school adjustment. If your child reports “problems,” try to refrain from giving solutions, but let your child tell you what they think and what they would like to see happen before discussing actions. Sometimes, like adults, a child just wants to be heard.

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The new school year has started and an exciting year of learning is in full swing! Whether you’ve just started at a brand new school or in a new class, here are some tips on greeting the new school year with confidence, meeting new people and keeping yourself grounded.

1. Let your clothes speak for you. Meeting new people is not easy for some students. (In fact, it can be difficult for adults, too!) If you want to engage your peers in conversation, but don’t quite know what to say, see if you can get them to speak up first. Do you have a favorite t-shirt? Maybe one that’s unique or one-of-a kind? You’d be surprised at how easily a t-shirt, hat or pin can start up a conversation. My favorite animal is the hedgehog and whenever I wear this shirt, people inevitably ask me about it:

You might have a t-shirt from your last vacation, a hat with your Harry Potter house on it, a pin or button from your favorite band or a jersey from a popular – or even little-known – sports team. Letting your classmates know what your interests are by expressing yourself through fashion will lead to some great conversations.

2. Remember to breathe. After a summer of camp, vacation, barbecues and adventures with friends and family, getting back into the school year routine can seem daunting. It may seem counterintuitive to add another “routine” to your day, but consider meditation. Taking 10-20 minutes to yourself each day to quietly reflect and focus on breathing can help center you and restore a sense of calm. You can do it in silence or with music, or use any of several apps to guide you. You’ll be surprised how something so seemingly simple can have such a large, positive effect on your well-being and outlook.

3. Digital detox: Though a lot of schools now have a one-to-one tablet or laptop program, and more and more schoolwork has a technology focus, make sure you find time – throughout the week, if not every day – to unplug, especially at night. Swap your e-reader for a good, old-fashioned book; play a board game instead of a video game; draw, paint or sketch; pick up an instrument instead of an iPod. Being in nature is also a great way to recalibrate, whether it’s taking a walk, playing Frisbee, riding your bike or having a picnic. Swap screen time for green time for fresh air and a fresh perspective.

4. Write it down!: Let’s face it: our lives are hectic. After school hours are spent shuttling from piano to soccer to art class to scouts. Sometimes, it’s nice to take a minute and reflect on all the things we’re grateful for – including the people and opportunities we’re afforded. Keeping a gratitude journal is a great, intentional act that can quickly turn even the most hectic mind calm. A gratitude journal can be blank and freeform or include prompts with different ways of experiencing thanks, such as “What are three sounds or songs you heard today that made you think of something you’re grateful for?” or “What is something someone else did today that made you grateful to have that person in your life?”

5. Replace “Yes, but…” with “Yes, and…” One of the most basic rules of improv comedy is that you don’t counter what someone says to you; you run with it. If your scene partner hands you a “phone” and says an alien is on the line, you can’t say, “Yes, but that’s ridiculous.” Rather, you must then begin speaking with that alien: “Yes, and he just told me that he wants to play baseball this afternoon.” And so the scene continues. This is a great strategy to employ in everyday life – especially when trying new or challenging things. If someone asks if you had a good day at school, instead of responding with, “Yes, but math was really hard and I don’t think I’m going to like it,” try “Yes, and I’m looking forward to understanding these new math concepts that were introduced today.” A negative reaction can be an easy way out if something is frustrating you, but intentionally reacting positively will ultimately pay off much more.

6. Vary your activities: A good rule of thumb is to be involved in one activity you enjoy because you’re good at it, one social activity and one activity that is new or challenging, but also enjoyable. Maybe you’re not a confident public speaker, but you’re involved with a community theater group that requires you to cultivate that confidence in front of large groups. If you can make 100 free-throws in a row, you’ve developed a skill. By stepping back to the three-point line and working to master that skill, you’re not only developing muscles, but also valuable muscle memory. Greeting challenges with confidence and an open mind will have lasting benefits both in and outside the classroom.

What are some of your favorite back-to-school tips and strategies for success?

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The holidays are a stressful time for everyone, but can be even more so for families with gifted children. Between intensities, veering from normal routines and the challenge of gift-giving, it’s enough to stress out even the most patient caregiver.  Below are some helpful posts from gifted bloggers and organizations to help this season be peaceful and enjoyable.

Holiday stress: What parents of gifted children need to know
Licensed Psychologist Gail Post, Ph.D. shares practical tips on how parents can help gifted children, and themselves, handle their unique stressors around the holidays. Tips include setting realistic expectations and taking time for yourself as a parent to decompress.

Parenting Gifted Children Through the Holidays
More practical tips for parents, this time from a fellow parent of three gifted children, published by Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG). The author focuses on parents of children with intensities.

Managing Your Child’s Intensity During the Holidays
An enjoyable and honest guide about managing intensities from gifted parenting blogger Raising Lifelong Learners. The author includes some much-needed encouragement to parents at the end.

‘Tis the Season to be…Anxious?
Written from the perspective of a parent, this post from Gifted-Ed Connections is a short reflection on parental anxiety and how that translates to the holiday season. An encouraging short read for anxious parents.

Holidays with the Quirky
Adventures of Hahn Academy shares some of the “quirky” gifts her gifted son has requested throughout the years. The post includes a list of her son’s favorite past gifts, which may be helpful to anyone searching for a last minute Christmas gift for the gifted child in their life.

A Recipe for a Peaceful Holiday Season
More practical tips from SENG, this time from a therapist specializing in gifted children, who is a mother of the gifted herself. A nice reminder not to forget the simple things, like sleep and maintaining eating habits, in a busy season.

Surviving the Holidays with a House Full of Gifted Folks
Finally, a post from the IEA archive on managing the intensities of multiple gifted individuals. The post includes advice for both hosts and guests on how to have a peaceful holiday season.

What are your favorite tips for managing the holiday stress?

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Elizabeth Jones is the President and Founder of The Institute for Educational Advancement. She has worked with gifted and special needs children and their families for more than 20 years. Her current work emphasizes advocacy and the development and administration of specialized programs for underserved youth. She also consults with gifted children and their families to help them find solutions to meet each child’s intellectual, physical, spiritual, social and emotional needs.

Tragedies make us feel helpless. As adults looking for answers, dealing with heartache and trying to process what has happened, it is vital that we honor the fears and concerns of our children, as well. This can be extremely difficult when we don’t understand the events ourselves. It is hard to grasp entering into a conversation with our children without knowing the answers to who, what, why and if it will happen again.

Children can be extremely affected by catastrophes, whether acts of nature or human infliction. They see adults as the gatekeepers to their safety; but when the adults in a child’s world have no control over a tragedy occurring, children often lose their sense of security. They just cannot understand why.

Gifted children exhibit high levels of intensity and sensitivity and can be even more deeply impacted by events such as the Boston bombings. Not only do they feel a loss of security, but they also have a profound feeling of empathy for the victims and a tremendous need to understand and “fix” the problem.

A six-year-old client going through some stress recently had a dream that he was able to bring back a World War II battleship to the New York harbor on September 11, 2001, and the ship saved the Twin Towers. He used what he knew to fix a problem – and prevent a horrible tragedy – that happened years before he was born. It brought him comfort.

Emotionally sensitive, highly able students feel very deeply and have a strong sense of justice and moral fairness. It is hard enough to cope with horrific events; yet, when you feel a responsibility to fix the problem, it can be completely overwhelming. Gifted children have an early awareness of complex problems facing humanity. They experience emotional intensity at a greater level than their non-gifted counterparts. As a result, their concerns should be understood and respected. Telling children they should not worry or think about a tragic event that is now part of their frame of reference can cause children to feel inadequate because they are not able to control their emotions. Feeling insecure can trigger more anxiety and loss of control.

Michael Piechowski speaks about the complex inner lives, early ethical concerns and heightened awareness of the world gifted children experience. This often causes internal confusion and tension between “what is” and “what ought to be.”

How can we help our children cope with tragic events when we don’t even understand the why? Here are some suggestions:

• Gifted children have vivid imaginations. Without appropriate, honest conversation, they will often imagine the worst that could happen to their family, pets, friends and others.
• If possible, be the first one to communicate the event. Give your child honest answers, but do not overload them with details. Limit exposure to media and graphic images. Be prepared to have several conversations that may include asking the same question over and over. Gifted children have a strong affective memory, which causes them to relive significant moments in their lives. Your child will not forget about it, even if you stop them from talking about it.
• Be consistent and reassuring, but do not make unrealistic promises. Children take cues from their parents. Share your concerns and grief, but do not do all the talking. Listen and let your child take the lead. Ensure they know that you always do the best you can to make them and other family members safe.
• Coordinate information between school, home and other locations where your child spends time. Articulate your child’s concerns and deep feelings of empathy to the teachers and others who interact with your child. Remind these people that your child is likely to react differently than peers and that your child is likely to continue to remember and be affected by the event for a longer time than classmates. It is important for everyone in your child’s life to understand this.
• Reestablish a schedule or routine as soon as possible. The normalcy of activities is comforting and can assist children in healing.
• Work with your child to establish ways to take action to support the victims. Encourage and suggest positive ways they can make a difference, like raising money or writing notes.
• Reinforce things in your child’s life that provide safety, including police, fire fighters, school officials and protocol of what to do when a potential problem occurs. Discuss the fact that, although tragedies occur, they are rare; it is important to be prepared, though.
• Encourage emotional, physical, creative and spiritual outlets that can relieve your child’s tensions. This is a good opportunity to discuss ways to rejuvenate yourself when difficult things happen. Expression through the arts can be calming.

Most importantly, be together and reach out to help. And, by far, touch, understanding and unconditional love are the most powerful coping mechanisms for all of us.

What strategies have helped you talk to your child about tragedy? Please share with others in the comment section below.